Begin Again.

Hey,

I feel like no one is even reading this anymore. Not sure if i should even be writing. I think that the main reason I freaked out last january, besides setting a deadline with this whole thing was that I wasn't comfortable with my face. all this hair is so gross. I got a few of those laser treatments done, and its starting to look better, but i still have several more that I cant really afford. I want to continue with transition, but I can't afford a therapist, nor can i risk getting fired, at least until after my 3-month probate period is over.

Mom is being a pain in the ass. First she said she would work with me a little bit. Then she started screaming at me and it was like i was supposed to have all this money because I started this new job. I needed help and I appreciate that she eventually helped me, but she doesn't seem to want to talk to me now. Why is this? does she think that our relationship is based on money. I had not asked her for something for a long time. She refused to help me with the move, and I just wanted to be able to get food for the next two weeks. What the fuck am I doing wrong.

-Hannah

The week is over. Finally.

Hey all,

Ok, I admit it. Working the morning show sucks. I wish that all late news starts at 10pm. That way I might have a little night left when I get to prime time. Oh well, what am I supposed to do.

A movie is coming out tonight. Its called, "Hanna." Although my name is spelled different, references to the name constantly push me to think about my life and where I am going in it. If god offered me a body switch today, I have always said I would take it. I don't care who the person was I was switching with. So what does that say about me transitioning. Well, I don't have any way to finish my laser hair surgery at least for now, although it has been effective so far. I feel that I will have to wait until I finish it in order to continue with transition. But I think that its the way I am moving again. Anyway, gonna start enjoying my weekend now.

-Hannah

Strange Sleeping Patterns

It's early morning Monday and I haven't been able to sleep all night. My new normal sleeping schedule, assuming that I wanted to do 8 full hours would be 6pm-1am because they have me on the morning shift right now, which is fine. But as I worked from 830-5 on Saturday, my patterns got all fucked up and now I don't know how I am gonna feel 4,5,6 hours into my shift. I will probably take a 30 min lunch like i did on friday that way I can finish early again and leave at 1030. Of course, if I go home and nap, things will continue to be fucked. Oh well, hopefully I will be on a normal schedule at some point in the near future.

Had a strange dream last night though. Was married to a woman as I currently am living today. Not sure what her name was. Didn't recognize her, but she was very beautiful. Not sure what any of this means. Time to get ready for work now.

The internet

Hey everyone,

I am going to try and provide any updates as soon as I can. I did not have reliable internet here in California until last night, and the stuff I have now isn't much better. Its At&t DSL and aparently the only internet available to my apt complex. Its only avalable at speeds up to 3mbps. I am afraid to re-up my WoW subscription because it is so slow. Oh well. First week of work went well. Got to go now, training on the Overdrive this morning.

-Hannah

Salinas, CA - Night 1

Hey all,

So I am here in California. We finally arrived in Salinas after a very long 16 hour drive. I thought the drive would never end. We didn't get into town early enough for me to get into my new place, so me and dad had to check into a hotel. So now you are probably wondering, Why am I blogging so late at night after a long and tiring drive. It's very simple. My dad snores. And when I say that, I mean it. From what I am hearing, it sounds like it may be more than your garden variety snoring. I think he has sleep apnea. As a result, there is no way I will be able to fall asleep, at least not anytime soon.

I met a girl on eHarmony. She seems really nice. She loves Hawaii which is a huge bonus because so do I. I haven't really asked her about her movie tastes yet as we have only exchanged a couple of emails since she got back from Hawaii, but all in good time.

As for on my transition front, I haven't really been able to put a lot of time and or thought into it lately. It is obviously something I need to think about, I have just been very busy. I plan on thinking more about this in the future when I get more settled (and hopefully when I can get sleep without the sounds of a freight train in my bedroom)

As for the new job, I am curious to see what kind of new challenges it will present to me. The traditional newscast director does just that... directs the newscast. However, with an unconventional station, comes an unconventional setup. Before the live broadcasts, I will be editing and also potentially shooting video for the newscast. I hope that eventually I will be able to move up the ladder enough at this station that I won't have to do that, or at the very least, I can find work after the 2 years in salinas. Not that I don't like editing or shooting. If I didn't like it, I wouldn't have been at my last job for 2 years. I just like to concentrate on one area.

Anyway, I should probably try and get some sleep. Not like I expect it to happen, but might as well, right.

-Hannah

(Yes, I will be referring to myself as Hannah from now on on the blog)

Welcome to California

Hey all,

Some really good news. I got a job! It is in california, which will be tough considering the high cost of living, but i will manage. I have already found a decent place to live, just have to fill out the application now. Anyway, nothing new on the transition front. Hope everyone is well

-Josh

Nothing Really Happening

Hey all,

the reason I haven't been writing anything on here lately is that there isnt much to say. Still soul searching. Still Job searching. still boot searching :) Anyway, just thought I would type something.

-Josh