Friday, October 29, 2010

The big night...

Friday is finally here! With it comes the first time that I have dressed up for Halloween in over 10 years! Wow that's a long time. It will be the first time I will be dressing up as a female too. A little nervous. Ok, very nervous, but I am excited at the same time. My feet will probably be killing me by the end of the night. I guess I should have researched the boot sizes better. Oh well, what can ya do. I wore em last night to wear them in for around 4-5 hours. I'm sure it didn't really make much difference, but I figured, what the hell, give it a shot.

The friend that I talked to yesterday confirmed me as a friend on Facebook which is good. I think I will send a mass message to everyone with the blog address so they can read it.

I will provide an update as to how the party goes either later tonight or tomorrow.

-Hannah

Thursday, October 28, 2010

4 and counting...

I know I already posted today, but I though I would provide a small update. Came out to another friend a few minutes ago on the walk to work. She really wasn't expecting it. She didn't take it bad, but she needs time to process it. I totally understand. It took me a long time to process it in the first place.

Women's Shoes...

Ok, I totally hate the size issue. It seems like some run small, some run big. I could have sworn that the boots I had before were a 14. They were a little small, but I dealt with it. So today I got my boots for halloween as well as my new ones, that I thought I had ordered a size higher...WRONG!

I guess for certain brands I am a size 16. WOW this is frustrating. Oh well, I can deal with these boots for now. I'll break them in just as I did the others. Not a big deal. I just gotta remember 16.

I think that the interview with KGUN went well. I hope that they go for me. I may just take that job what ever the pay (hopefully its not like KVOA) Anyway, until next time...

Hannah

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Halloween Week

So this has been a pretty good week. As you know, I was successful in coming out to 3 of my best friends. Monday was good. I was also asked to come into KGUN 9 to talk about a directing position that they have available. Not sure if I will take the job, but it could be a very good opportunity. Going to an awesome halloween party on friday at which I plan on wearing my Jaina Proudmoore costume. I ordered some boots to go with the costume that are really cute. They are purple and are very similar to the ones that I have that are black and on their last legs. To that end, I ordered some new black ones with the costume boots.

I hope to come out to more of my friends very soon, especially after the very positive reaction from my first 3 friends.

Although there are just boring presentations going on right now in class, I should probably pay attention :( Oh well, thats how class goes I guess. I will try and post again tonight if anything new happens.

Hannah


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Monday, October 25, 2010

WOW! (not the video game)

Well, from the title, you can all probably guess how today went. My 3 friends were incredibly supportive. Were all looking forward to shopping in December. I am pretty tired, been a long but great day so I am just going to leave it at that and get some sleep. Until next time-


-Hannah


PS, How would everyone feel about me posting videos as opposed to text? Let me know.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

It's times like this...

I typically post on Mondays about the weekend, but I felt that this couldn't wait.

First off, I would like to personally thank my lead actress for all of the hard work she did on the films set Friday night. I know she didn't really want to make the movie but she did anyway.

And then there was Saturday...

It was a work day at news 4 like any other. Rebecca being a bitch, cutting the news, etc. After that I was to go to my friend Tori's place for my mutual friend Heather's 21st Birthday. As a reward for helping me out, I got my friends (who are all 21, don't worry) some supplies for White Russians. I finished off work and I headed over to the party. Things were going good at first. I watched Heather play beer pong, hung out with my good friends, etc. What should have been a very positive night for me turned into a very shitty night.

A couple of my other friends showed up about an hour after I did. I was happy because I don't get a lot of time to hang with my friends all together. Then they started talking about those three little letters that really stir up my emotions...B F A. I can't say that they shouldn't talk about it at a party in front of me, they have a right to be excited about it, and I am happy for them. But every time I hear people talking about it, I go from being so angry that I want to kill something, to wanting to cry for an hour, and then back again. My friend James says that I need to get off the "Hateoraide" and get over this. But its like there's something inside me that just won't let me get over it. I feel like I am missing out on something. I feel like I can't do what I want to do without this training. And every time I pass one of those 4 BFA instructors in the hall, I want to scream a profanity at them. I'm just so angry right now and it's like I just can't get over it. I have been told that I can meet with one of them bastards and find out why my portfolio didn't satisfy them, and god knows that I want to know, but like I said, I cant say for sure that I wont be able to control myself.

So I decided to leave the party, as I was in a shitty mood, and I didn't want to bring down Heather's big night. I did spend a couple of hours there though, which was more than I planned, so I suppose that's good.

I went home, ordered pizza, and hung with one of my friends.

As for the future, I have a new plan. First, the near future.

I am planning on meeting with Heather, and 2 of my other friends about me and who I really am on Monday at 1pm. I am nervous as shit, but its time. I am already two weeks behind schedule and whether I tell them now, a month from now, or a year from now, their reaction, whatever it may be, will be the same. I hope for a good response, and you will most certainly hear from me directly after the meeting, sometime around 3pm tomorrow.

And now the future over the next year or so.

From the above emotions as they relate to the School of Media Arts, it is obvious that I don't really want to be there anymore. I don't want to be a producer, and I don't want to do a minor. I can't stand to even be in the vicinity of the Media Arts office without being filled with emotions. So here's the (tentative) plan.

I will finish out the school year (spring semester) and take as many film classes as I possibly can. I will continue to direct "Daily Dose" and "Entertainment Now!" until the end of the year in order to get as much experience as possible as a live news director.

During the spring semester, I will start transition as planned. I will also begin searching for jobs as a newscast director. Hopefully my experience in the newsroom, coupled with my UATV experience will get me a job in a decent market.

As was stated in the "Terminator" films, the future is not yet set. If I begin to find it easier to be in the vicinity of those in the Film department, I may stay around the U of A for producing, but I can't say I am holding my breath.

As always, I appreciate comments from everyone, as well as emails. So please feel free to send them my way, but with one condition. I have had enough of hearing things like "you need to get over it" and "stop the hateorade." If I could, I would. I only want support, not more bull. Until tomorrow-

-Hannah

Friday, October 22, 2010

Dracula and Fake Blood

So believe it or not, but Dracula and the fake blood in the title actually have nothing to do with each other. So lets start with last night and Dracula.

After I finished work at the Zone, I had to drive over to the home depot on Oracle and Prince with all of an hour until I had to be back at the theatre to see dracula. Fortunately, there was someone there who helped me with all of my SAW Parody needs and it went really well. Then I went to see Dracula.

Short of Rum and Coke (but not by much) it was probably the most boring play I have ever seen put on by the theatre dept. here at the U of A. The majority of the show took place in one setting and with what seemed like a bunch of talking heads. There were some early pyrotechnics, but the first half was utterly unbearable. I actually had to keep myself from falling asleep because of the paper I have to write on it. Oh how the mighty have fallen since "The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas" last spring. That was a good show. The only really interesting part of the show was the end when Dracula was killed, primarily because of the pyrotecnics. Lots of fire and explosions. But lets face facts, the lighting sucked, just like the rest of the show. It got out at about 945. Then I headed home and started setting up for...

That which involves the fake blood.

The SAW parody shoot begins at 400 PM today and I needed to set up the lights so that we would be good to go when everyone arrives on the set. I ended up being awake until about 2am which isnt good if you have to get up at 630 for work. So until about 930 tonight when we wrap (hopefully with all the shots we need) I will be running on about 4 hours of sleep. Doesn't help that I have 3 hours of work in the Theatre Lab today and I have to keep my strength up for that.

No change yet on the situation with my mom. Not sure really how to approach her on this topic. Special thanks to my sis for sending me a birthday card that is for a Sister and not that which I am at the moment.

Still have to sort out the therapist thing. Haven't contacted Martie yet to see if she can see me on a mildly regular basis. Think I will try and send her an email now as I believe she is out of town.

Cross your fingers for me that we get what we need to get shot finished.

Hannah


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Tuesday, October 19, 2010

That was yesterday...

Hey all,

It's amazing how many things can change in 24 hours. Mom seems less and less supportive. She cant pay for my therapist past November 1st, and she won't even come to that meeting. I may have other options but I just don't know yet. She has been screaming at me to pay her something in rent and that she wants to see my checking account. I take this as a serious invasion of privacy. I am trying my best to work with her, but things are just getting so heavy its driving me crazy.

I still have my movie to look forward to, which is good. But at the same time, its another thing on my shoulders that I don't really need right now.

As my mom needs to find out eventually how this whole thing will go, and as she wont come to my meeting with my therapist, I guess I kinda need to find a different approach. Any ideas? Feel free to post them. I will keep you posted on any new developments.

-Hannah

Monday, October 18, 2010

Some good news

Hey everyone,

As you are aware, I didn't have a very good start to my 26th year, but things are improving. I spoke with my advisor today and she said there is a way around the foreign language thing. Gotta go to the DRC and talk to them about it. This is a good start. I still have to figure out a minor. Gonna take a look and see what I can find there.

Also, my SAW film has made some progress. We are going out to shop for props and clothes for Hannah today at 4 and we have scheduled a shoot for this friday from 5 to 9. Hopefully we will not run over. This will be achieved by following a strict shooting schedule.

Unfortunately I haven't come out to anyone but my boss at MARPL, but the original plan was to wait till this week anyway as it is "Allies of Transgendered Persons Week." I will figure out times to talk to some of them this week. Everyone is pretty busy.

Gotta go into english now. I will keep all of you posted.

-Hannah


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Friday, October 15, 2010

Maybe I should have held my breath...

As you can probably guess from the title, I got my BFA results back, and things didn't go how I wanted. Now I don't know what the hell I am going to do. I mean, my original plan was to stick around the U of A for another 2 semesters just to work on transition. Now I feel so shitty that I would rather work in my part time job at news 4 for the rest of my life rather than spend another minute on this campus. I suppose thats just the initial shock of the decision making me bias, but it doesnt change how I feel.

To add insult to injury, I have to meet with my academic advisor in less than 2 hours and I have no Idea what I am going to say.

I always wanted to make movies, but I don't want to take 2 years of a foreign language, and I really dont want to have a minor. The only thing i could even think of is theatre, but I tend to lothe the theatre department here. I would do photo, but they wont take anyone else as their department is too full.

I thought about going back to Washington State for the teaching of Broadcasting, and I do really miss cougar country (as crazy as that sounds).

I could also go out and just start my career as a newscast director. I will post more later when I am feeling better (and when the iPad isnt about to die)

-Hannah

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Epic Fail

So I tried to tell my friend Tori last night. It didn't happen. Just got to nervous. Gonna try again tonight. will probably tell her and my other friend Hannah depending on who is available. i7 iMac is bad ass.

There's another problem. I want to get on hormones before I start living full time. I don't want to go against my therapist, but I need to control this thing between my legs. I spoke with my old therapist at the U of A after the support group on Tuesday and she told me to try and get Jan to do a consultation with her. Ill do my best.

Tomorrow is the big day. Will I get into the BFA or not. Only time will tell. I just wish that time would go a little faster.

-Hannah

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Baby Steps

So today started the coming out process to some of my friends or rather one friend. I decided to come out to my one of my bosses first. I knew that he is gay so I figured that he would be a good person to start with as I kinda wanted to start things off on a positive note. He was very supportive. He told me to let him know when we would let the other employees at my job know what the deal is.

-Hannah

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

25 years today... and more on the way!

So today is the big 25. My friends keep asking me what's so special about 25? I say it's a quarter of a century, but I guess that's not anything special. Oh well. Financial aid hit my bank account today. YAY.

I had to slightly alter my coming out plans. As a good number of people were unable to make it to my little meeting, I decided that I would meet up with them, one on one. I also got some information from Allison at SAGA last night in order to help me with coming out to my friends.

Mom didn't take my needing her to come to the therapists office in November particularly well. She wanted me to tell her right off the bat what the deal was, and I can't do that, the reasons being obvious. But things tend to work themselves out sometimes. So we will see how they go.

Anyway, until next time,

-Hannah

Friday, October 8, 2010

Meeting scheduled

Hey everyone,

As of today, the coming out meeting has been scheduled for a week from today, october 15th, which also happens to be the day that the bfa results are in. Curious as to the date i picked, but i wanted it to be during coming out week, and not just ally appreciation week. So we will see what happens. Still waiting on the jackasses at osfa. Love to take their time. Trouble is, they don't know whats at stake here. Oh well, i guess things will happen when they are ment to happen, and no sooner.

Hannah

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Waiting

Time seems to be passing by very slowly.

I have 2 things going on right now that I am waiting on. The first is the financial aid hitting my bank account. According to the school, it hasn't even hit my bursars acct with the university yet. Its very frustrating because I don't want to have to reschedule my first laser appointment which as you know is scheduled for Friday.

The second waiting game is that of the BFA. I have a week and 2 days until I find out if I will continue until 2013 at the U of A or if I will leave in 2011. All the interviews are finished, so I just wish they could send out the results now. I want to start applying for jobs but I don't want to make a potential employer mad for bailing on them at the last minute.

If I do not get into the BFA, I will try and get into a few classes that I might enjoy in order to finish out the school year, so that I can get the last of the financial aid to further support my transition. No real point in trying to get the best grades in the world as they would be meaningless.

I should probably start paying attention in English, even though it's nothing I haven't heard before.

I will keep providing updates as to the Financial Aid and the BFA.

-Hannah

Monday, October 4, 2010

Aid and Hair

So this week should mark the disbursement of my financial aid and in addition, my first hair removal treatment at the laser place. Should be exciting.

I have the SAGA general meeting tonight which is always good. The more support the better.

One of my friends from the Pride Alliance is going to try to come with me to the SAGA meeting. I am really excited. It should be fun. I am also going to be a little more bold than usual. I am going to be dressed as Hannah when I leave the Pride Alliance and walk to my car. If I run into any of my friends, I will explain things. But one thing is for sure, I need to be more comfortable with myself. Although I wont have my hair extensions, I think this will be a good test run to see the reactions of people. Now I will likely be able to pass better in January with the hair issues resolved, but this is a start.

-Hannah

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Friday, October 1, 2010

Coming Together

First off,

My paycheck successfully went into my account at Vantage West. Good to know that my financial situation is more or less stabilizing.

I really want to thank Katie and Susan for their comments on my Friday post. Sometimes I forget to check it.

As I need to convince Mom that this is the best for me, I have come up with a plan that involves something tangible. I am going to write a letter with empty name fields for my friends to fill out, supporting me and my transition.

Anyway, English class is starting so I guess I should start paying attention.

-Hannah