I typically post on Mondays about the weekend, but I felt that this couldn't wait.
First off, I would like to personally thank my lead actress for all of the hard work she did on the films set Friday night. I know she didn't really want to make the movie but she did anyway.
And then there was Saturday...
It was a work day at news 4 like any other. Rebecca being a bitch, cutting the news, etc. After that I was to go to my friend Tori's place for my mutual friend Heather's 21st Birthday. As a reward for helping me out, I got my friends (who are all 21, don't worry) some supplies for White Russians. I finished off work and I headed over to the party. Things were going good at first. I watched Heather play beer pong, hung out with my good friends, etc. What should have been a very positive night for me turned into a very shitty night.
A couple of my other friends showed up about an hour after I did. I was happy because I don't get a lot of time to hang with my friends all together. Then they started talking about those three little letters that really stir up my emotions...B F A. I can't say that they shouldn't talk about it at a party in front of me, they have a right to be excited about it, and I am happy for them. But every time I hear people talking about it, I go from being so angry that I want to kill something, to wanting to cry for an hour, and then back again. My friend James says that I need to get off the "Hateoraide" and get over this. But its like there's something inside me that just won't let me get over it. I feel like I am missing out on something. I feel like I can't do what I want to do without this training. And every time I pass one of those 4 BFA instructors in the hall, I want to scream a profanity at them. I'm just so angry right now and it's like I just can't get over it. I have been told that I can meet with one of them bastards and find out why my portfolio didn't satisfy them, and god knows that I want to know, but like I said, I cant say for sure that I wont be able to control myself.
So I decided to leave the party, as I was in a shitty mood, and I didn't want to bring down Heather's big night. I did spend a couple of hours there though, which was more than I planned, so I suppose that's good.
I went home, ordered pizza, and hung with one of my friends.
As for the future, I have a new plan. First, the near future.
I am planning on meeting with Heather, and 2 of my other friends about me and who I really am on Monday at 1pm. I am nervous as shit, but its time. I am already two weeks behind schedule and whether I tell them now, a month from now, or a year from now, their reaction, whatever it may be, will be the same. I hope for a good response, and you will most certainly hear from me directly after the meeting, sometime around 3pm tomorrow.
And now the future over the next year or so.
From the above emotions as they relate to the School of Media Arts, it is obvious that I don't really want to be there anymore. I don't want to be a producer, and I don't want to do a minor. I can't stand to even be in the vicinity of the Media Arts office without being filled with emotions. So here's the (tentative) plan.
I will finish out the school year (spring semester) and take as many film classes as I possibly can. I will continue to direct "Daily Dose" and "Entertainment Now!" until the end of the year in order to get as much experience as possible as a live news director.
During the spring semester, I will start transition as planned. I will also begin searching for jobs as a newscast director. Hopefully my experience in the newsroom, coupled with my UATV experience will get me a job in a decent market.
As was stated in the "Terminator" films, the future is not yet set. If I begin to find it easier to be in the vicinity of those in the Film department, I may stay around the U of A for producing, but I can't say I am holding my breath.
As always, I appreciate comments from everyone, as well as emails. So please feel free to send them my way, but with one condition. I have had enough of hearing things like "you need to get over it" and "stop the hateorade." If I could, I would. I only want support, not more bull. Until tomorrow-
-Hannah
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