Its Getting Better

So heres the deal. I haven't dumped Vantage West yet. I have too much on my plate to change all my direct deposits and other auto withdrawls, but, I am still considering it. Things are getting better with my mom. We talked some while I was at her place for thanksgiving. It would seem she isn't ready to rip my head off anymore. As for me, I am probably going to push living as hannah back a few months. Not because I am scared, but because my face still looks like bigfoot. But soon things will get better. Just gotta tell myself to hang on.

Hannah

Gotta love banks

So I am starting to really hate the financial system as a whole. Now, I am willing to admit that the problems with wells fargo were my own, and considering that they did work with me a little, I am relatively happy with them.

Now the bad news.

As a result of the wells fargo issue, I decided to go to a different bank. I chose vantage west credit union. Now, with the new system in place to prevent overdraft fees, they told me if the money wasnt there, the card would be declined. As it were, the money was there and the card was not declined, but then, they charged me an overdraft fee (remember the money is still there) which brought my account down so that the money wasnt there - subsequently adding more fees.

I spoke with them, and they wouldn't do anything about it. So I dont really know what to do. I have $4 in my wells account. Do I go back to them? Do I stick with Vantage west? Do I find some other bank that is doomed to disappoint me as well? or do i just dump banks and use my mattress? I am so sick of this financial garbage.

Hannah

FUCK THIS SHIT!

Mom sent me a rather vile email this morning. The first thing she said was that I lied about not having a christmas bonus last year. I subsequently forwarded KVOA's 3rd qtr report to her which said in the title, "The Christmas Bonus is Back" Hopefully that will get her off that. She seems to be taking her shitty life out on me in the email (she talks about how her mom and my dad treated her like shit and how rick expects her to do everything without a thank you. I am sorry that these things are happening, BUT ITS NOT MY FAULT!

She said in the email that she was ready to embrace hannah until the lie about the xmas bonuses (hopefully the report will change her mind, but god only knows what goes on in her head)

I love her and have been able to control myself when it comes to her, but I am starting to lose my patience. I got the computer because mine broke. I am sorry, but thats how life is these days.

The worst part was when she accused me of having "David Sarno Disease" I am so fucking mad at her over this. I hate him with a passion and I am planning on cutting him out of my life now that that stupid lawsuit is done. But I don't know what to do now. I might lose both my parents. She concluded the email saying that i am angry despite an expert said I wasn't. Then she told me to read the email to martie (my current therapist)

I AM SO SICK OF HER BULLSHIT! What am I supposed to do if I am offered a job in another part of the country? How do I move there? Am I supposed to sacrafice myself because she wont help me? Do I settle for a full time job at mcdonalds and pass on transition because I don't have her support.

I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF THIS SHIT

Sorry for the language, but I am so angry right now, this is the only way of expressing myself short of screaming and yelling, and that would be bad.


Hannah

The Week So Far

Hey everyone,

My computer is making unholy noises, so I will make this quick. Things are getting better with my mom. She isn't quite ready to evict yet, she just wants to get some of the money she is owed. So I will try and oblige her. Hormones approaching soon.

-Hannah

Update: All I had to do was restart the computer. Sometimes these things are just weird. Oh well. So I sent a long email to mom with the new budget that I made which pretty much lays it all out with regards to my financial situation. I hope she will lay off me now. We'll see.

As the hormones approach, I am excited, but nervous too. Not sure "exactly" what will happen as everyone's genome is different. But I have some general ideas. I just wish I had specifics. I guess I will before long.

I also continue to look for a full time job. I look forward to working in television full time. If I am able to find a full time job before January, I will need to put off transition (but not hormones) until after the company's probationary period ends. I'm fine with that, as long as I have a job.

-Hannah

Some Big News

Ok, So I haven't met up with mom yet, but she just go back from Phoenix today so thats ok. Now on to the big news...

I met with Martie, my old new therapist today and got lots of things ironed out. The best thing about today...

She is filling out an authorization for...

HORMONES! YAY!

I will be meeting wit a doctor on tuesday at the U to get things all sorted out after they get Martie's authorization. I am very excited. A great start to an otherwise bad week. Anyway, when mom comes around, I will be ready to talk to her.

Hannah

Again and again...

Here we go again. It's mom. As you should be aware, she has been bugging me for a christmas list. Well, I finally gave her one. What I did was give her examples of things that would look good on me, and what happened? She started getting mad at me over money. She gave me shit about not paying rent. I just can't seem to make her happy no matter what I do. She said that I needed to show her my bank account or I could move out of the condo. So this time, I just decided to give in. I gave her the username and password and I explained some of the charges that she would get upset about. No response yet, but I sent the email late last night and I think that she was leaving early this morning for Phoenix to help Katie move into her new Apartment. Was planning on going up to Phoenix on monday, but mom got after me on that one too. I told her I was going to go window shopping with Katie and she apparently only saw the word "shopping." I figure, why rattle the cage, after all, I haven't seen my sister in months, but hey no big deal. I am still waiting on the job. I will let everyone know what is going on when I hear something. I wish this hair would grow faster. Then I wouldn't need to get extensions in January. Until next time-

Hannah


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Settled

So as a few of you know, there has been this lawsuit that has been going on for a while about an accident I was in in Jan. 2006. So the people were offered $14,00 as chump change as there were no injuries. They declined and sued for $44,000. As time progressed and people continued to tell them that they had no case, they finally settled for $22,000. YAY no more pending litigation against Hannah. Could have put a damper on my name change.

Because its time...

So this week begins a lot of things for me. I am going to start coming out to more of my friends as I meet up with them. I am going to try and tell enough of my close friends as well as those at KVOA before Transgender awareness week, at which point I will be sending a mass Facebook message out to all of my not quite as close friends, and other acquaintances. Figure I will tell my dad before the mass message, even though I don't like him. Probably a good idea. Let me know your thoughts if you like.

-Hannah

Laser Take 5

Just a small update, I was finally able to finish the first of 6-8 laser treatments on my face. I say take 5 because it took a grand total of 5 scheduled appointments (2 of which I ended up being able to show up for because of the stupid lidocane thing) and in the end, the lidocane did absolutely nothing for me. Oh well. Next one will probably be around the end of december.

Movie

Hey everyone,

So I was up until like 5 or 6 am on Thursday in order to get my SAW parody finished (see the youtube channel youtube.com/joshuasarno2013) I got very good reviews from my friends who were there. It made me happy. Heather also agreed to help me with "charm school" that is, helping me with changing my behavior to pass better. Looking forward to that in the near future.

No word yet on the job at KGUN. But it has been just one week, and Scott said it could be a few. Hope I get the job, I will likely take it as I am really starting to get sick of school. The job in Tucson would be especially good because it is near all my friends.

I have my laser treatment today at 530 and supposedly the cream I need will be at walgreens this time. We'll see.

Until next time,

Hannah

A few updates.

Sorry I didn't get around to posting till today. Been busy with lots of stuff. Where to begin...

Halloween was great. Had lots of fun at Heather's party. Came out to a few more people there, which makes about 9 total.

Last night I went to the rally for congresswoman Giffords. I was there till about midnight when they told us there wouldn't be any results tonight. Kinda sucks because I would have liked the extra sleep. Oh well, it was still fun.

My mom was very insistent that I tell her whats going on over the phone last night, so I finally did. Then she started asking me how I was gonna afford it, etc, etc. I told her I wanted to do this in person and that I was at a party to have fun. I will obviously have to meet up with her at some point soon.

-Hannah