I Didn't Really Know What to Expect

When I moved to Green Bay, I didn't really know what to expect when I got here. Please note that I am not being racist or any other "ist" in this post. I'm just stating what I was told and experienced.

When I was packing to leave for GB, my mom told me that one of her friends told her that everyone here was red neck white dudes who drink beer and don't really like people of my skin color. Nevertheless, I came anyway. As it turns out the area is quite diverse, except at the station where I worked. That's right. WORKED.

Last Monday they decided to let me go. They said it was because that I wasn't learning their switcher fast enough. This is the same switcher that will be gone in a month anyway because they brought me in to teach em the new system. I really think that they were worried about having a less than perfect ratings period (started on Wednesday) which really wouldn't have happened. They would have been fine as opposed to their February ratings which will suck because these old bastards don't know how to use this new system.

Funny, I left a job and an area i was unhappy at to go to a place i relatively enjoyed, only to get fired. Oh well, shit happens and karma's a bitch. So I will be off home to Tacoma tomorrow. When i said i missed it a few months ago, this isn't exactly what I meant. But it will be nice to be back.

Until Next time

-Hannah

Anger, Negativity, and a Tough Show

I am not really speaking about my negativity, although god knows I have plenty to rightfully be upset about. My mom always told me I was too negative, but my coworkers make my negativity look positively pleasant. They bitch and complain about not wanting to be here or that their job is boring. Too much down time, etc. I have news for them, they got it great. These are the guys that have been here for 20 plus years, make plenty of money and have what seem like happy families. They also get 4 weeks paid vacation each year! Too much down time? You get paid to sit on your ass for 2 of your 8 hours. Who wouldn't enjoy that. If you're bored, get a smartphone or... WATCH TV! after all we do work in television. I'm sorry if I can't feel sorry for you, but for god's sake, YOU'RE EMPLOYED AND YOU MAKE GOOD MONEY! 9.1% of americans would love to be in your shoes. I had to buy a car and so the money I was gonna save for transition now has to go to that! At least you have the right brain-body combination.

On to the show. This morning came the usual negativity, an in addition, the dumb ass camera folks were acting like they were drunk. The first part of the show looked like crap. But it's over now. Just gotta chalk it up to a loss.

On a high note though, I did get a tv yesterday finally, so I won't be as bored as I was. I'm gonna try and start working out with the wii now and make a better effort to eat better. Gotta look good if I ever expect to pass.

I am reminded of a Calvin and Hobbes cartoon that I read a while back. Calvin is negative and in a bad mood and spreads it to a girl. Then he says nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around. I have never really done that, at least not deliberately, and I can say for certain, that it sucks to be on the other side.

I know this is long, but I needed to vent.

Hannah


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Green Bay, WI

A long overdue update.

I want to apologize for not updating this for so long. I have been busy and tired. First things first. I really hated my job in California so I found other employment in green bay. Things are better here. The people are nicer. The work is more chill, etc. Back on the morning shift which kinda stinks but it's work right.

I have started looking for a therapist in green bay but as you can imagine, I don't have a lot of options. Anyway, that's all for now.

-Hannah


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Green Bay, WI

Work, work

So things are going much better after I survived what was monday's trainwreck of a show. Were back on the 30 min shifts for each show so it is far less mentally draining. I am moving into a new place which is far less expensive so I should be on more stable ground. I am still not a huge fan of California but gotta pay my dues and do my time here. But if a job opens up in seattle, I'm gonna be out this motha fucka.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Work

Begin Again.

Hey,

I feel like no one is even reading this anymore. Not sure if i should even be writing. I think that the main reason I freaked out last january, besides setting a deadline with this whole thing was that I wasn't comfortable with my face. all this hair is so gross. I got a few of those laser treatments done, and its starting to look better, but i still have several more that I cant really afford. I want to continue with transition, but I can't afford a therapist, nor can i risk getting fired, at least until after my 3-month probate period is over.

Mom is being a pain in the ass. First she said she would work with me a little bit. Then she started screaming at me and it was like i was supposed to have all this money because I started this new job. I needed help and I appreciate that she eventually helped me, but she doesn't seem to want to talk to me now. Why is this? does she think that our relationship is based on money. I had not asked her for something for a long time. She refused to help me with the move, and I just wanted to be able to get food for the next two weeks. What the fuck am I doing wrong.

-Hannah

The week is over. Finally.

Hey all,

Ok, I admit it. Working the morning show sucks. I wish that all late news starts at 10pm. That way I might have a little night left when I get to prime time. Oh well, what am I supposed to do.

A movie is coming out tonight. Its called, "Hanna." Although my name is spelled different, references to the name constantly push me to think about my life and where I am going in it. If god offered me a body switch today, I have always said I would take it. I don't care who the person was I was switching with. So what does that say about me transitioning. Well, I don't have any way to finish my laser hair surgery at least for now, although it has been effective so far. I feel that I will have to wait until I finish it in order to continue with transition. But I think that its the way I am moving again. Anyway, gonna start enjoying my weekend now.

-Hannah

Strange Sleeping Patterns

It's early morning Monday and I haven't been able to sleep all night. My new normal sleeping schedule, assuming that I wanted to do 8 full hours would be 6pm-1am because they have me on the morning shift right now, which is fine. But as I worked from 830-5 on Saturday, my patterns got all fucked up and now I don't know how I am gonna feel 4,5,6 hours into my shift. I will probably take a 30 min lunch like i did on friday that way I can finish early again and leave at 1030. Of course, if I go home and nap, things will continue to be fucked. Oh well, hopefully I will be on a normal schedule at some point in the near future.

Had a strange dream last night though. Was married to a woman as I currently am living today. Not sure what her name was. Didn't recognize her, but she was very beautiful. Not sure what any of this means. Time to get ready for work now.

The internet

Hey everyone,

I am going to try and provide any updates as soon as I can. I did not have reliable internet here in California until last night, and the stuff I have now isn't much better. Its At&t DSL and aparently the only internet available to my apt complex. Its only avalable at speeds up to 3mbps. I am afraid to re-up my WoW subscription because it is so slow. Oh well. First week of work went well. Got to go now, training on the Overdrive this morning.

-Hannah

Salinas, CA - Night 1

Hey all,

So I am here in California. We finally arrived in Salinas after a very long 16 hour drive. I thought the drive would never end. We didn't get into town early enough for me to get into my new place, so me and dad had to check into a hotel. So now you are probably wondering, Why am I blogging so late at night after a long and tiring drive. It's very simple. My dad snores. And when I say that, I mean it. From what I am hearing, it sounds like it may be more than your garden variety snoring. I think he has sleep apnea. As a result, there is no way I will be able to fall asleep, at least not anytime soon.

I met a girl on eHarmony. She seems really nice. She loves Hawaii which is a huge bonus because so do I. I haven't really asked her about her movie tastes yet as we have only exchanged a couple of emails since she got back from Hawaii, but all in good time.

As for on my transition front, I haven't really been able to put a lot of time and or thought into it lately. It is obviously something I need to think about, I have just been very busy. I plan on thinking more about this in the future when I get more settled (and hopefully when I can get sleep without the sounds of a freight train in my bedroom)

As for the new job, I am curious to see what kind of new challenges it will present to me. The traditional newscast director does just that... directs the newscast. However, with an unconventional station, comes an unconventional setup. Before the live broadcasts, I will be editing and also potentially shooting video for the newscast. I hope that eventually I will be able to move up the ladder enough at this station that I won't have to do that, or at the very least, I can find work after the 2 years in salinas. Not that I don't like editing or shooting. If I didn't like it, I wouldn't have been at my last job for 2 years. I just like to concentrate on one area.

Anyway, I should probably try and get some sleep. Not like I expect it to happen, but might as well, right.

-Hannah

(Yes, I will be referring to myself as Hannah from now on on the blog)

Welcome to California

Hey all,

Some really good news. I got a job! It is in california, which will be tough considering the high cost of living, but i will manage. I have already found a decent place to live, just have to fill out the application now. Anyway, nothing new on the transition front. Hope everyone is well

-Josh

Nothing Really Happening

Hey all,

the reason I haven't been writing anything on here lately is that there isnt much to say. Still soul searching. Still Job searching. still boot searching :) Anyway, just thought I would type something.

-Josh

The Job Search Continues

Hey everybody,

I know it has been a while. Not much has changed. That's why I haven't been posting. No job yet, as the title says, but hopefully soon. I got some plastic containers to serve as boxes for packing stuff as I go through boxes fast. I figure these will stay good and work great for storage. Thanks to everyone for all of their support in my hard times. Have a great weekend.

-Josh

The (Job) Search Begins

Hey everyone,

As all of you hopefully know (or you're gonna miss class) school starts tomorrow. I don't have class cause I only have it on Monday/Wednesday.

Tonight marks the start of my highly intensive job search. Mom says that she wants to be able to actually charge someone appropriate rent for this place. I want to make her happy, but more importantly, I want to make me happy. And the fact is that the U of A isn't all it's cracked up to be. No offense to those of you who like it, but I guess I will always be a Coug! The honest truth and about the only thing I am sure about right now is that I want to start working. Living paycheck to paycheck sucks and I want to be rid of it fast.

Also, easy A is hilarious. Highly recommended if you need a good laugh.

For now, I will just finish this post with where I am now...

-Josh

Lots of Changes

Wow, It's been nearly a month since I updated this. I wish I could say that I have been busy, but the fact is that I am on Christmas break like everyone else. Lots of things have been happening over the past few days and weeks.

First, and probably most important, I don't have any time/date to living full time. I don't even know what that is going to entail. I wish I could say more about it, but I can't because I don't know a lot. To be honest, I am very happy that this doubt came upon me sooner rather than later.

The truth is that a lot of things were happening very fast and I needed to stop and think about what I was doing. The truth is that Hannah is a part of me and she always will be. I just need to figure out what is right for me.

As of now, I have come out to several people and I am extremely grateful for all of your support. For now, I need you to keep what I have told you to yourselves. I know that some of you have already told others and I don't know how far this has spread. I am fine with people knowing about me, but for now, I would like to keep it confined to a limited number of people. I don't know who has told other people, and I don't want to know. All that I ask of you is to ask those people who you have told to please not speak about this until I say otherwise. I came out to you first because you are my closest friends and I trust you. As a result of this I would hope that you would respect this request.

As of now, my life will continue on as it has since I first met all of you. I don't know what life will have in store for me in the future, but for now, I'm josh, I like to make movies and I will live as I always have (without the flirting to the best of my ability, you know who you are). This includes dating and meeting new people who will obviously not know about me. Once again I ask for your trust. I will tell someone who I am when I am ready and when I know who I am because right now, I still have a lot of learning to do and a lot of self-evaluation.

Whew.. Ok So now that I got that out of my system, on to less important (but still important updates)

Obviously, as of now I have not found a full time job. I am waiting for some employers to get back to me and I am very hopeful as I have a connection at one of the places I applied, and its in VEGAS! As most of you know, that's where I want to live and work.

Because of this joblessness I will be continuing on for one last semester at the UofA. I will be concentrating on finding full time work. I will not be finishing my degree at the UA because I am unable to study what I want to.

If I am offered a job mid-semester, which is likely, I will be leaving suddenly, but not before some kind of party.

That's pretty much everything that's been going on with me as of late. I will try to update more often with shorter posts.