Back, Back, Back it up... Plus some good news

Wow,

I have been really bad at keeping up with this thing this week. The week seemed to go by very slowly. Not sure why, but I got through it. Here's the news, weather and sports. The lighting labs were not nearly as painful as the actual ones that I did. I think that my Vegas interview went very well. The guy told me I would hear back by the middle of next week. Cross your fingers for me.

Now for some transition updates...

As you can probably tell from the title, I am not going to be Hannah in January. I am disappointed too, but this is how things go sometimes. The primary reason is that I do not feel ready enough based on the hormones. I also have not come out to enough people yet. So here are the new plans as they stand today...

Plan A: If I do not find a job. I plan on living full time in March, during the week of spring break. This will allow for a number of things to happen. I will likely have at least 3 more inches of hair, and hormones should have taken something of an effect on my "you know what" by then.

Plan B: If I get the job in Vegas, or any other job for that matter, I will put off transition until I have passed their grace period. This was always plan B.


Now for some good news. The hormones. I got them from my Dr. on Friday, and took the RX to Walgreens, where they happily informed me that my AHCCCS insurance covers the hormones! Yay! That was way outta left field. I do still have to confer with my neurologist to make sure that they will not affect my epilepsy medication, but that will take all of 5 minutes. Just gotta wait for him to return my call.

Some bad news, one of my old friends from Supercamp died 2 nights ago. What is going on this holiday season. First the girl gets hit by the car, then one of my colleague's father dies in a car crash, then one of my friends passes away? God must have a pretty sick sense of humor.

Anyway, I will hopefully remember to keep everyone posted on my plans as the new week begins and the holiday arrives. Until next time...

Hannah

Jobs

Hey everyone,

No, I haven't found a job yet, my interview with Vegas isn't until Tuesday. But I did apply for a couple of new ones. One in Tucson at one of News 4's competitors. We'll see how that goes. Got my Christmas Bonus. Nothing too special, but it will help me with getting what I want for my mom this year.

I came out to a couple more friends today. Things went very well. One already knew. The other didn't but took it very well.

I finished re-editing the CineCats Hot-Tub Scene in HD today. It looks good.

Another good thing, not sure if I mentioned it yet, but I will anyway. My Theatre instructor is letting me make up the 2 labs that I missed which is much more than she had to do. Shout-out to her for that.

Until Next Time,

Hannah

More Confidence

Monday was very good. I have much more confidence in myself, more than I ever have had before. I have several friends eager to help me from SAGA along with 1 or 2 from pride alliance who will be in Tucson for at least part of the break. So this is the plan...

I had my blood tests yesterday. Only half the results are in and as a result, I can't yet meet up with my endo. Any advice on hiding my endowment would be appreciated. It should be noted that I get "excited" when I put on even my girly boots, or a skirt. So Annoying. Oh well.

After finals week (next week) I am going to start working on things like appearance with my friends at SAGA, as most of my friends are going home for the first part of break and I dont get any of my financial aid until next year on the 5th. Lynn and Erin have agreed to help me with covering up and shaving techniques so that I may get the closest shave possible and makeup to cover whatever else remains visible. I have never been and probably never will be a fan of makeup, but hey, what I need to do I will be willing to do.

After the new year when I get my financial aid, I plan on going shopping with a couple of my friends, changing my name, etc. I provided a few pictures to them to describe the general outfit ideas that I like. Everyone has their own personal style. Not going to post any pictures here yet, no real point in showing you until it is on me.

If I feel comfortable enough to start living full time in January, which I think I will, then things will move ahead. I am planning to tell several of my friends within the next few days including a couple of conservatives but I think they will be cool. Things were not half as scary as I thought they would be. I haven't really told any of my instructors, as I wont be working with really any of them next semester. I also have yet to tell either of my employers, but I think I will try and go down to news 4 and at least start the ball rolling with HR.

Anyway, got a big next few weeks coming up. Please send me positive thoughts and if you wish, comments on the blog. You know I love em!

Hannah

Taking it slow

So here's the deal, I have been speaking with one of my friends from back home who is going through the same thing as I am. She suggests that I may be moving too fast. I need to speak with my support group and a couple of my friends and see where I go from here. Some things are still certain. I am gonna go and get my blood tested tomorrow to start hormones. I still also plan on getting some new shoes too. One thing that might be good about taking things slow is that it will give me more time to lose weight.

Hannah

Shoes

So, I forgot to take my epilepsy meds this morning before I left for school. Don't worry, I went home right after class and took em. Actually, I took them at midnight last night so things were probably pretty even. Anyway enough about that.

After I got home, I just kinda hung out. I watched some Sabrina as I got a new DVD in the mail. That show is so funny. I also decided to put on my boots. It felt really good. It really was a confidence booster for me. I wish I knew why. Oh well. I was tempted to just go to work in them. But I decided to wait till transition. A little disappointed, I left the house and headed to work. Now I am here and very bored.

A couple of questions...

If I could figure out how to shave close enough, I may be able to pull off January, which would be a dream come true. But I need help. Any tips on shaving/makeup to hide my fur?

Also, the only type of shoes that I like to wear are boots. Not sure why, its just my thing. How do I get away with this in the summer? Or do I have to find something else to wear :(

Hannah

Thing...Things....

So not much is going on so far this week. However, I have been playing wow like crazy in anticipation of the coming expansion. The world has been sundered. Anyway, enough about WOW. I have been thinking more about what I am going to do next semester. The plan is pretty much still the same. Look for work, make movies, not really make an effort in class, and prep for transition/make transition. Stupid facial hair. Stupid computer breaking. By now I would be done with 3 laser treatments. But I can most certainly see a difference in my face. My facial hair still grows like crazy, but there are places where it isn't growing as fast. Special thanks to my laser place. Anyway, time for English class.

Hannah

Its Getting Better

So heres the deal. I haven't dumped Vantage West yet. I have too much on my plate to change all my direct deposits and other auto withdrawls, but, I am still considering it. Things are getting better with my mom. We talked some while I was at her place for thanksgiving. It would seem she isn't ready to rip my head off anymore. As for me, I am probably going to push living as hannah back a few months. Not because I am scared, but because my face still looks like bigfoot. But soon things will get better. Just gotta tell myself to hang on.

Hannah

Gotta love banks

So I am starting to really hate the financial system as a whole. Now, I am willing to admit that the problems with wells fargo were my own, and considering that they did work with me a little, I am relatively happy with them.

Now the bad news.

As a result of the wells fargo issue, I decided to go to a different bank. I chose vantage west credit union. Now, with the new system in place to prevent overdraft fees, they told me if the money wasnt there, the card would be declined. As it were, the money was there and the card was not declined, but then, they charged me an overdraft fee (remember the money is still there) which brought my account down so that the money wasnt there - subsequently adding more fees.

I spoke with them, and they wouldn't do anything about it. So I dont really know what to do. I have $4 in my wells account. Do I go back to them? Do I stick with Vantage west? Do I find some other bank that is doomed to disappoint me as well? or do i just dump banks and use my mattress? I am so sick of this financial garbage.

Hannah

FUCK THIS SHIT!

Mom sent me a rather vile email this morning. The first thing she said was that I lied about not having a christmas bonus last year. I subsequently forwarded KVOA's 3rd qtr report to her which said in the title, "The Christmas Bonus is Back" Hopefully that will get her off that. She seems to be taking her shitty life out on me in the email (she talks about how her mom and my dad treated her like shit and how rick expects her to do everything without a thank you. I am sorry that these things are happening, BUT ITS NOT MY FAULT!

She said in the email that she was ready to embrace hannah until the lie about the xmas bonuses (hopefully the report will change her mind, but god only knows what goes on in her head)

I love her and have been able to control myself when it comes to her, but I am starting to lose my patience. I got the computer because mine broke. I am sorry, but thats how life is these days.

The worst part was when she accused me of having "David Sarno Disease" I am so fucking mad at her over this. I hate him with a passion and I am planning on cutting him out of my life now that that stupid lawsuit is done. But I don't know what to do now. I might lose both my parents. She concluded the email saying that i am angry despite an expert said I wasn't. Then she told me to read the email to martie (my current therapist)

I AM SO SICK OF HER BULLSHIT! What am I supposed to do if I am offered a job in another part of the country? How do I move there? Am I supposed to sacrafice myself because she wont help me? Do I settle for a full time job at mcdonalds and pass on transition because I don't have her support.

I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF THIS SHIT

Sorry for the language, but I am so angry right now, this is the only way of expressing myself short of screaming and yelling, and that would be bad.


Hannah

The Week So Far

Hey everyone,

My computer is making unholy noises, so I will make this quick. Things are getting better with my mom. She isn't quite ready to evict yet, she just wants to get some of the money she is owed. So I will try and oblige her. Hormones approaching soon.

-Hannah

Update: All I had to do was restart the computer. Sometimes these things are just weird. Oh well. So I sent a long email to mom with the new budget that I made which pretty much lays it all out with regards to my financial situation. I hope she will lay off me now. We'll see.

As the hormones approach, I am excited, but nervous too. Not sure "exactly" what will happen as everyone's genome is different. But I have some general ideas. I just wish I had specifics. I guess I will before long.

I also continue to look for a full time job. I look forward to working in television full time. If I am able to find a full time job before January, I will need to put off transition (but not hormones) until after the company's probationary period ends. I'm fine with that, as long as I have a job.

-Hannah

Some Big News

Ok, So I haven't met up with mom yet, but she just go back from Phoenix today so thats ok. Now on to the big news...

I met with Martie, my old new therapist today and got lots of things ironed out. The best thing about today...

She is filling out an authorization for...

HORMONES! YAY!

I will be meeting wit a doctor on tuesday at the U to get things all sorted out after they get Martie's authorization. I am very excited. A great start to an otherwise bad week. Anyway, when mom comes around, I will be ready to talk to her.

Hannah

Again and again...

Here we go again. It's mom. As you should be aware, she has been bugging me for a christmas list. Well, I finally gave her one. What I did was give her examples of things that would look good on me, and what happened? She started getting mad at me over money. She gave me shit about not paying rent. I just can't seem to make her happy no matter what I do. She said that I needed to show her my bank account or I could move out of the condo. So this time, I just decided to give in. I gave her the username and password and I explained some of the charges that she would get upset about. No response yet, but I sent the email late last night and I think that she was leaving early this morning for Phoenix to help Katie move into her new Apartment. Was planning on going up to Phoenix on monday, but mom got after me on that one too. I told her I was going to go window shopping with Katie and she apparently only saw the word "shopping." I figure, why rattle the cage, after all, I haven't seen my sister in months, but hey no big deal. I am still waiting on the job. I will let everyone know what is going on when I hear something. I wish this hair would grow faster. Then I wouldn't need to get extensions in January. Until next time-

Hannah


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Settled

So as a few of you know, there has been this lawsuit that has been going on for a while about an accident I was in in Jan. 2006. So the people were offered $14,00 as chump change as there were no injuries. They declined and sued for $44,000. As time progressed and people continued to tell them that they had no case, they finally settled for $22,000. YAY no more pending litigation against Hannah. Could have put a damper on my name change.

Because its time...

So this week begins a lot of things for me. I am going to start coming out to more of my friends as I meet up with them. I am going to try and tell enough of my close friends as well as those at KVOA before Transgender awareness week, at which point I will be sending a mass Facebook message out to all of my not quite as close friends, and other acquaintances. Figure I will tell my dad before the mass message, even though I don't like him. Probably a good idea. Let me know your thoughts if you like.

-Hannah

Laser Take 5

Just a small update, I was finally able to finish the first of 6-8 laser treatments on my face. I say take 5 because it took a grand total of 5 scheduled appointments (2 of which I ended up being able to show up for because of the stupid lidocane thing) and in the end, the lidocane did absolutely nothing for me. Oh well. Next one will probably be around the end of december.

Movie

Hey everyone,

So I was up until like 5 or 6 am on Thursday in order to get my SAW parody finished (see the youtube channel youtube.com/joshuasarno2013) I got very good reviews from my friends who were there. It made me happy. Heather also agreed to help me with "charm school" that is, helping me with changing my behavior to pass better. Looking forward to that in the near future.

No word yet on the job at KGUN. But it has been just one week, and Scott said it could be a few. Hope I get the job, I will likely take it as I am really starting to get sick of school. The job in Tucson would be especially good because it is near all my friends.

I have my laser treatment today at 530 and supposedly the cream I need will be at walgreens this time. We'll see.

Until next time,

Hannah

A few updates.

Sorry I didn't get around to posting till today. Been busy with lots of stuff. Where to begin...

Halloween was great. Had lots of fun at Heather's party. Came out to a few more people there, which makes about 9 total.

Last night I went to the rally for congresswoman Giffords. I was there till about midnight when they told us there wouldn't be any results tonight. Kinda sucks because I would have liked the extra sleep. Oh well, it was still fun.

My mom was very insistent that I tell her whats going on over the phone last night, so I finally did. Then she started asking me how I was gonna afford it, etc, etc. I told her I wanted to do this in person and that I was at a party to have fun. I will obviously have to meet up with her at some point soon.

-Hannah

The big night...

Friday is finally here! With it comes the first time that I have dressed up for Halloween in over 10 years! Wow that's a long time. It will be the first time I will be dressing up as a female too. A little nervous. Ok, very nervous, but I am excited at the same time. My feet will probably be killing me by the end of the night. I guess I should have researched the boot sizes better. Oh well, what can ya do. I wore em last night to wear them in for around 4-5 hours. I'm sure it didn't really make much difference, but I figured, what the hell, give it a shot.

The friend that I talked to yesterday confirmed me as a friend on Facebook which is good. I think I will send a mass message to everyone with the blog address so they can read it.

I will provide an update as to how the party goes either later tonight or tomorrow.

-Hannah

4 and counting...

I know I already posted today, but I though I would provide a small update. Came out to another friend a few minutes ago on the walk to work. She really wasn't expecting it. She didn't take it bad, but she needs time to process it. I totally understand. It took me a long time to process it in the first place.

Women's Shoes...

Ok, I totally hate the size issue. It seems like some run small, some run big. I could have sworn that the boots I had before were a 14. They were a little small, but I dealt with it. So today I got my boots for halloween as well as my new ones, that I thought I had ordered a size higher...WRONG!

I guess for certain brands I am a size 16. WOW this is frustrating. Oh well, I can deal with these boots for now. I'll break them in just as I did the others. Not a big deal. I just gotta remember 16.

I think that the interview with KGUN went well. I hope that they go for me. I may just take that job what ever the pay (hopefully its not like KVOA) Anyway, until next time...

Hannah

Halloween Week

So this has been a pretty good week. As you know, I was successful in coming out to 3 of my best friends. Monday was good. I was also asked to come into KGUN 9 to talk about a directing position that they have available. Not sure if I will take the job, but it could be a very good opportunity. Going to an awesome halloween party on friday at which I plan on wearing my Jaina Proudmoore costume. I ordered some boots to go with the costume that are really cute. They are purple and are very similar to the ones that I have that are black and on their last legs. To that end, I ordered some new black ones with the costume boots.

I hope to come out to more of my friends very soon, especially after the very positive reaction from my first 3 friends.

Although there are just boring presentations going on right now in class, I should probably pay attention :( Oh well, thats how class goes I guess. I will try and post again tonight if anything new happens.

Hannah


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WOW! (not the video game)

Well, from the title, you can all probably guess how today went. My 3 friends were incredibly supportive. Were all looking forward to shopping in December. I am pretty tired, been a long but great day so I am just going to leave it at that and get some sleep. Until next time-


-Hannah


PS, How would everyone feel about me posting videos as opposed to text? Let me know.

It's times like this...

I typically post on Mondays about the weekend, but I felt that this couldn't wait.

First off, I would like to personally thank my lead actress for all of the hard work she did on the films set Friday night. I know she didn't really want to make the movie but she did anyway.

And then there was Saturday...

It was a work day at news 4 like any other. Rebecca being a bitch, cutting the news, etc. After that I was to go to my friend Tori's place for my mutual friend Heather's 21st Birthday. As a reward for helping me out, I got my friends (who are all 21, don't worry) some supplies for White Russians. I finished off work and I headed over to the party. Things were going good at first. I watched Heather play beer pong, hung out with my good friends, etc. What should have been a very positive night for me turned into a very shitty night.

A couple of my other friends showed up about an hour after I did. I was happy because I don't get a lot of time to hang with my friends all together. Then they started talking about those three little letters that really stir up my emotions...B F A. I can't say that they shouldn't talk about it at a party in front of me, they have a right to be excited about it, and I am happy for them. But every time I hear people talking about it, I go from being so angry that I want to kill something, to wanting to cry for an hour, and then back again. My friend James says that I need to get off the "Hateoraide" and get over this. But its like there's something inside me that just won't let me get over it. I feel like I am missing out on something. I feel like I can't do what I want to do without this training. And every time I pass one of those 4 BFA instructors in the hall, I want to scream a profanity at them. I'm just so angry right now and it's like I just can't get over it. I have been told that I can meet with one of them bastards and find out why my portfolio didn't satisfy them, and god knows that I want to know, but like I said, I cant say for sure that I wont be able to control myself.

So I decided to leave the party, as I was in a shitty mood, and I didn't want to bring down Heather's big night. I did spend a couple of hours there though, which was more than I planned, so I suppose that's good.

I went home, ordered pizza, and hung with one of my friends.

As for the future, I have a new plan. First, the near future.

I am planning on meeting with Heather, and 2 of my other friends about me and who I really am on Monday at 1pm. I am nervous as shit, but its time. I am already two weeks behind schedule and whether I tell them now, a month from now, or a year from now, their reaction, whatever it may be, will be the same. I hope for a good response, and you will most certainly hear from me directly after the meeting, sometime around 3pm tomorrow.

And now the future over the next year or so.

From the above emotions as they relate to the School of Media Arts, it is obvious that I don't really want to be there anymore. I don't want to be a producer, and I don't want to do a minor. I can't stand to even be in the vicinity of the Media Arts office without being filled with emotions. So here's the (tentative) plan.

I will finish out the school year (spring semester) and take as many film classes as I possibly can. I will continue to direct "Daily Dose" and "Entertainment Now!" until the end of the year in order to get as much experience as possible as a live news director.

During the spring semester, I will start transition as planned. I will also begin searching for jobs as a newscast director. Hopefully my experience in the newsroom, coupled with my UATV experience will get me a job in a decent market.

As was stated in the "Terminator" films, the future is not yet set. If I begin to find it easier to be in the vicinity of those in the Film department, I may stay around the U of A for producing, but I can't say I am holding my breath.

As always, I appreciate comments from everyone, as well as emails. So please feel free to send them my way, but with one condition. I have had enough of hearing things like "you need to get over it" and "stop the hateorade." If I could, I would. I only want support, not more bull. Until tomorrow-

-Hannah

Dracula and Fake Blood

So believe it or not, but Dracula and the fake blood in the title actually have nothing to do with each other. So lets start with last night and Dracula.

After I finished work at the Zone, I had to drive over to the home depot on Oracle and Prince with all of an hour until I had to be back at the theatre to see dracula. Fortunately, there was someone there who helped me with all of my SAW Parody needs and it went really well. Then I went to see Dracula.

Short of Rum and Coke (but not by much) it was probably the most boring play I have ever seen put on by the theatre dept. here at the U of A. The majority of the show took place in one setting and with what seemed like a bunch of talking heads. There were some early pyrotechnics, but the first half was utterly unbearable. I actually had to keep myself from falling asleep because of the paper I have to write on it. Oh how the mighty have fallen since "The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas" last spring. That was a good show. The only really interesting part of the show was the end when Dracula was killed, primarily because of the pyrotecnics. Lots of fire and explosions. But lets face facts, the lighting sucked, just like the rest of the show. It got out at about 945. Then I headed home and started setting up for...

That which involves the fake blood.

The SAW parody shoot begins at 400 PM today and I needed to set up the lights so that we would be good to go when everyone arrives on the set. I ended up being awake until about 2am which isnt good if you have to get up at 630 for work. So until about 930 tonight when we wrap (hopefully with all the shots we need) I will be running on about 4 hours of sleep. Doesn't help that I have 3 hours of work in the Theatre Lab today and I have to keep my strength up for that.

No change yet on the situation with my mom. Not sure really how to approach her on this topic. Special thanks to my sis for sending me a birthday card that is for a Sister and not that which I am at the moment.

Still have to sort out the therapist thing. Haven't contacted Martie yet to see if she can see me on a mildly regular basis. Think I will try and send her an email now as I believe she is out of town.

Cross your fingers for me that we get what we need to get shot finished.

Hannah


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That was yesterday...

Hey all,

It's amazing how many things can change in 24 hours. Mom seems less and less supportive. She cant pay for my therapist past November 1st, and she won't even come to that meeting. I may have other options but I just don't know yet. She has been screaming at me to pay her something in rent and that she wants to see my checking account. I take this as a serious invasion of privacy. I am trying my best to work with her, but things are just getting so heavy its driving me crazy.

I still have my movie to look forward to, which is good. But at the same time, its another thing on my shoulders that I don't really need right now.

As my mom needs to find out eventually how this whole thing will go, and as she wont come to my meeting with my therapist, I guess I kinda need to find a different approach. Any ideas? Feel free to post them. I will keep you posted on any new developments.

-Hannah

Some good news

Hey everyone,

As you are aware, I didn't have a very good start to my 26th year, but things are improving. I spoke with my advisor today and she said there is a way around the foreign language thing. Gotta go to the DRC and talk to them about it. This is a good start. I still have to figure out a minor. Gonna take a look and see what I can find there.

Also, my SAW film has made some progress. We are going out to shop for props and clothes for Hannah today at 4 and we have scheduled a shoot for this friday from 5 to 9. Hopefully we will not run over. This will be achieved by following a strict shooting schedule.

Unfortunately I haven't come out to anyone but my boss at MARPL, but the original plan was to wait till this week anyway as it is "Allies of Transgendered Persons Week." I will figure out times to talk to some of them this week. Everyone is pretty busy.

Gotta go into english now. I will keep all of you posted.

-Hannah


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Maybe I should have held my breath...

As you can probably guess from the title, I got my BFA results back, and things didn't go how I wanted. Now I don't know what the hell I am going to do. I mean, my original plan was to stick around the U of A for another 2 semesters just to work on transition. Now I feel so shitty that I would rather work in my part time job at news 4 for the rest of my life rather than spend another minute on this campus. I suppose thats just the initial shock of the decision making me bias, but it doesnt change how I feel.

To add insult to injury, I have to meet with my academic advisor in less than 2 hours and I have no Idea what I am going to say.

I always wanted to make movies, but I don't want to take 2 years of a foreign language, and I really dont want to have a minor. The only thing i could even think of is theatre, but I tend to lothe the theatre department here. I would do photo, but they wont take anyone else as their department is too full.

I thought about going back to Washington State for the teaching of Broadcasting, and I do really miss cougar country (as crazy as that sounds).

I could also go out and just start my career as a newscast director. I will post more later when I am feeling better (and when the iPad isnt about to die)

-Hannah

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Epic Fail

So I tried to tell my friend Tori last night. It didn't happen. Just got to nervous. Gonna try again tonight. will probably tell her and my other friend Hannah depending on who is available. i7 iMac is bad ass.

There's another problem. I want to get on hormones before I start living full time. I don't want to go against my therapist, but I need to control this thing between my legs. I spoke with my old therapist at the U of A after the support group on Tuesday and she told me to try and get Jan to do a consultation with her. Ill do my best.

Tomorrow is the big day. Will I get into the BFA or not. Only time will tell. I just wish that time would go a little faster.

-Hannah

Baby Steps

So today started the coming out process to some of my friends or rather one friend. I decided to come out to my one of my bosses first. I knew that he is gay so I figured that he would be a good person to start with as I kinda wanted to start things off on a positive note. He was very supportive. He told me to let him know when we would let the other employees at my job know what the deal is.

-Hannah

25 years today... and more on the way!

So today is the big 25. My friends keep asking me what's so special about 25? I say it's a quarter of a century, but I guess that's not anything special. Oh well. Financial aid hit my bank account today. YAY.

I had to slightly alter my coming out plans. As a good number of people were unable to make it to my little meeting, I decided that I would meet up with them, one on one. I also got some information from Allison at SAGA last night in order to help me with coming out to my friends.

Mom didn't take my needing her to come to the therapists office in November particularly well. She wanted me to tell her right off the bat what the deal was, and I can't do that, the reasons being obvious. But things tend to work themselves out sometimes. So we will see how they go.

Anyway, until next time,

-Hannah

Meeting scheduled

Hey everyone,

As of today, the coming out meeting has been scheduled for a week from today, october 15th, which also happens to be the day that the bfa results are in. Curious as to the date i picked, but i wanted it to be during coming out week, and not just ally appreciation week. So we will see what happens. Still waiting on the jackasses at osfa. Love to take their time. Trouble is, they don't know whats at stake here. Oh well, i guess things will happen when they are ment to happen, and no sooner.

Hannah

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Waiting

Time seems to be passing by very slowly.

I have 2 things going on right now that I am waiting on. The first is the financial aid hitting my bank account. According to the school, it hasn't even hit my bursars acct with the university yet. Its very frustrating because I don't want to have to reschedule my first laser appointment which as you know is scheduled for Friday.

The second waiting game is that of the BFA. I have a week and 2 days until I find out if I will continue until 2013 at the U of A or if I will leave in 2011. All the interviews are finished, so I just wish they could send out the results now. I want to start applying for jobs but I don't want to make a potential employer mad for bailing on them at the last minute.

If I do not get into the BFA, I will try and get into a few classes that I might enjoy in order to finish out the school year, so that I can get the last of the financial aid to further support my transition. No real point in trying to get the best grades in the world as they would be meaningless.

I should probably start paying attention in English, even though it's nothing I haven't heard before.

I will keep providing updates as to the Financial Aid and the BFA.

-Hannah

Aid and Hair

So this week should mark the disbursement of my financial aid and in addition, my first hair removal treatment at the laser place. Should be exciting.

I have the SAGA general meeting tonight which is always good. The more support the better.

One of my friends from the Pride Alliance is going to try to come with me to the SAGA meeting. I am really excited. It should be fun. I am also going to be a little more bold than usual. I am going to be dressed as Hannah when I leave the Pride Alliance and walk to my car. If I run into any of my friends, I will explain things. But one thing is for sure, I need to be more comfortable with myself. Although I wont have my hair extensions, I think this will be a good test run to see the reactions of people. Now I will likely be able to pass better in January with the hair issues resolved, but this is a start.

-Hannah

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Coming Together

First off,

My paycheck successfully went into my account at Vantage West. Good to know that my financial situation is more or less stabilizing.

I really want to thank Katie and Susan for their comments on my Friday post. Sometimes I forget to check it.

As I need to convince Mom that this is the best for me, I have come up with a plan that involves something tangible. I am going to write a letter with empty name fields for my friends to fill out, supporting me and my transition.

Anyway, English class is starting so I guess I should start paying attention.

-Hannah

It's almost time to come out...

Hello All,

Coming out week is in less than 2 weeks. It starts on October 11th. I was planning on coming out to my closest friends this week, but there's a problem. Most of the people whom I am friends with that want to be there to support me will be too busy with other events. So here's the new plan. The week after coming out week is Allied Appreciation Week. A time for those in the LGBT... community to show appreciation for those who treat them with respect and fight for their rights. The plan is to come out to them during this week.

After I come out to them, comes the next step. I need to tell my mom what will be happening come January. This cannot be about her. It has to be about me. So the plan is to have her come into the meeting with my therapist with me. Not sure how she will take it, but it is something that has to be done. I just want to make sure that my friends know first. At least then, when she says, "What will your friends think?" I will be able to say, "Well mom, they already know."

Can't really think of anything else that relates to an update, so until next time...

-Hannah

Monday...Again

Hey there all,

Less than 2 weeks until my "financial" aid comes through. I should be able to make my first laser appointment which is awesome! Should be able to get my new iMac too. I am considering waiting on that though, just to make sure I have enough money for what is really important. I am not sure how much hair extensions are going to cost and I will need to develop a new wardrobe come January. Something I will look into for additional funds later is the money that I get for my birthday and Christmas. Oh, and speaking of birthdays...

My 25th is coming up soon. I can't say I am looking forward to being another year older again. Every year that I go without starting transition, the worse off I will be in the end. It's been stated that the older that a person goes through transition, the more difficult it is for them to pass, their looks are not as great, etc. I want to be able to pass well, and that means transition as soon as possible.

On the up side of things (or rather down) I finally put new batteries in my scale this morning. Remember for the record, I started the school year at 236. The scale this morning said...

217!

Seems I am making progress. I guess when you don't eat 4000 calories a day, you tend to lose weight faster. Not that it hasn't been a challenge. I still have an addiction to fast food. I wish it was easy to stop eating it, but its not. But I am doing better. Only time will tell.

I see Jan again tonight and I am looking forward to another great session. Until Next time...

-Hannah

Friday, Part 2

Wow, its amazing how things can change so quickly over the course of a day. I'll lay it all out...

Wells Fargo decided that they would not reverse the overdraft fees that they caused... It was actually their fault for once. So of the $240 paycheck that I got today, I ended up with $20 of it. Fucking bastards. I told them to go screw themselves and I closed my account. I decided, with the advice of my friends to go to Vantage West. So I am now a customer of theirs. But I still have bills to pay and no way to pay them. Lovely.

I received an email today that scheduled my interview time for the BFA. I was afraid that they might schedule me when I had class or work, but the time worked out. Maybe that's a good sign.

Then I went to have dinner/movie with the mom. That was somewhat fun. We saw "You Again." Excellent film. Very funny and highly recommended. But here was the problem...

My mom said that she couldn't handle me transitioning right now with rick and everything else that is going on in her life. I don't want to cause her any more pain or stress that she already has, but I don't want to live in this form anymore. I don't know what to do. HELP! (In other words, please post comments)

-Hannah

Its been a few days

Hey all,

I haven't updated this thing in a few days, so I thought I would provide a few updates. The financial aid was approved! Yay! The financial aid is gonna be split into 2 dispursements. Sad :( The OSFA said that if they gave it all to me now, I would go over the assistance level. So they had to split it up. In what denomination is anyone's guess at this point. They said they would try and give me more sooner, but we'll see.

I have really been struggling with getting everything done that I need to. I believe that I have drastically overextended myself this year and I need to make some cutbacks. I already quit my job as the Director of Development with the CineCats. I don't have the energy to work 7 days a week anymore. For example, on Wednesday night, I got about 8 hours of sleep. By 11AM on thursday, I was already exhausted. So something has got to change.

Something else that's good is that I found someone who may be able to get me a job at the apple store in Tucson. This would be awesome because it is a job that I would enjoy. So we will see how that goes.

Also, I discovered that there are more ways than I thought that I can create my wardrobe at a smaller cost to me. For example, I thought that the best way was to shop at ROSS and also Goodwill/Buffalo/Savers. But one of my friends told me that she loves to do sewing and she will make me some clothes if I pay for the material. So that should save me money too.

Anyway, that's what's going on with me. Until Next Time

-Hannah

Real Web Address

I registered a .com for my blog and it is all set up. No more typing in that whole blogspot thing...

becominghannah.com

Enjoy!

How did it go? It went like this...

Ok, now I am stealing quotes from "Cool Runnings" Sorry Senka.

The weekend was great, till the VERY end. I only had to go to work on Saturday so that was nice to have the day off. The football game was great. Never seen a QB get sacked 4 times in a row. Kinda sad.

Sunday was great, we went up to a trans clothing exchange. I didn't find very much there that I liked. After all, it was a free exchange. Cant expect much. Plus, most of the women there were much older than me, so not exactly what I wanted to wear. But I got some shirts that were pretty cute and I found a black leather skirt that almost fit me. It will be hanging in my living room kinda like that bikini commercial giving me the incentive to lose the weight that I need to.

After we finished with the exchange, my friend wanted to go to an adult store. So we found one that was really close to the exchange. And that's when things got really fun. Me and my friends tried on tons of slutty outfits that, if I was in HS I might be able to get away with in the goth community. Unfortunately, I am not in HS anymore. Sad. But I found an outfit that I absolutely fell in love with. I didn't get it though. I wanted to make sure that I didn't get anything that would eventually be too big and unwearable. So I don't have it hanging up in my living room, but it will only give me more reason to continue to lose weight. Looking forward to going clubbing out in it. Pictures to come in December when I get it :)

Then when I went to do homework, I totally spilled water all over my laptop. A lot of water. I think it will be ok because I managed to get it turned off and the battery removed pretty fast, but time will tell. Couldn't get the case open to dry last night as I didn't have some really small screwdrivers.

Oh well. Over all it was one of the most fun weekends that I have had.

I am going for a consultation tomorrow with a lady from affordable laser. Should be cool.

So, this weekend

Ok, heres an update...

I finally finished my application for entrance into the BFA program at school. Its good, certainly a lifted weight.

One of my friends got sick this weekend, so they needed to push back our skating adventure. But that's OK, whats the most important is that everyone gets well. I am still planning to go up to Phoenix with a couple of other people to the Trans Clothing event and get some free stuff. No reason not to.

Last night I went to see a movie with mom. I wanted to see "Easy A." She wanted to see "The American." So we went to see The American. We walked out of the movie and she said, "we should have gone to see the other movie." I said, "I tried to tell you..."

Anyway, next week we will likely go see the movie about the adultress.

Sent off the proof of income much sooner than expected. Hopefully I will have everything I need for the financial aid in 2 weeks, but that is up to the bank and the OSFA at the U of A.

Looking forward to getting a new purse and lasering off this hideous hair. Should be fun. Anyway, time to finish getting ready for work.

-Hannah

A quick update...

Just a small note...

Spoke with a person from Affordable Laser Today. Scheduled a consultation. She said I should probably wait about 4 weeks from yesterday because of the electrolysis, which will likely work out since US Bank makes a career out of making people wait for loans.

-Hannah

O M G!

Typically I don't really like to use said phrases that relate to texting, but this has been that kind of 3 days. Where to begin...

On Monday night I found a cosigner! Yay! Thanks to that special person who did it. For her privacy I won't display her name.

On Tuesday, I went for electrolysis. HURT LIKE A BITCH! I talked to cheryl, and she said that it will cost upwards of $3000 in the end to finish everything, and between now and January, I just don't have that kind of money. But don't worry, I am not going to back out of my plan. I will get laser treatment for my face and make everything pretty much go away. Hopefully start within the month.

I did find out about a pretty cool thing going on in Phoenix this weekend. A trans clothing exchange! Gonna go get some new things to wear!

Couldn't go biking with Ellen last night cause of the electro. Sorry Ellen, I will try my hardest to make it next week.

...And then there was Wednesday Morning...

So I am driving along speedway, almost to my parking garage when some stupid ***** decides to go all the way from the right lane to the left lane without stopping. Don't worry, no accident, but when my car stalled, it was the last of my battery that had needed replacing for a long time. So late for work, I had the cops push my car to the side of the road and then waited for AAA to come, and they did.

Hopefully there won't be anymore near accidents for a while.

Oh, and I chose a last name...

What does everyone think of this.

-Hannah Serafino-

Good Strong Italian name.

Feedback? Comments? You know I like em!

-Hannah

Monday

Hey all,

Another title from Sorkin's Studio 60. Well, that's what day it is and I am too tired to come up with a better title.

Today should be fun. I have my bi-weekly meeting with my therapist at 5 tonight, which is always good, and then I have Dezert Girlz at 7. Double support tonight! Yay! Tomorrow begins my electro. We'll see how that goes. Hopefully not too painful

Bumped my head yesterday on a glass cabinet at mom's house. There was blood. Everything is OK though. So continues my streak of nearly 25 years and still no injuries, i.e. broken arms, etc.

Not feeling too well this morning. Nothing to do with my head, but I am gonna go home and get a nap.

-Hannah

Electrolysis and a Cosigner

Hey everyone,

I know, I know, I should only post once a day, but I thought this was mildly urgent. Obviously, as you all know, I will finally be living as Hannah Susan (insert chosen last name here) as of January. You also know that I am starting electrolysis next week. I have the money to cover 1-2 treatments per week, but from what I have been told, that will very unlikely cover what I will actually need in order for my face to look mildly clear. As a result, I need to seek some financial aid. I applied for several private loans (for the residence halls this past year) with no success. As a result, I need to find a creditworthy cosigner. I was wondering if anyone had any ideas for me. Before you suggest the parents, already tried that. Dad is a cheapskate and mom is, well, mom. Some of the things I will lay out are as follows for the person who decides to help me...

1. Every dime of this financial aid that is spent can be monitored by the cosigner through a new checking acct that i will open for the purpose of this loan.

2. I will sign a separate contract with the cosigner that relieves them of all burdens (which should not be a problem, but just in case)

3. Any other conditions that the cosigner will set forth to me.

If anyone has any ideas/options they would like to present to me, it would be much appreciated. Thanks a lot for all your continued support.

And remember, Hannah loves comments on her posts!

-Hannah

The week at hand

Greetings all,

So I have been doing a little better lately. I dropped a class in order to be able to pass and pass well my other classes. It also has to do with the fact that I need the extra time to finish (start) my BFA portfolio, and let's face it, there's a lot of homework associated with a foreign language.

My plan is to do a really kick-ass portfolio and then after I get accepted to the BFA, place out of 1st year Italian. (In the BFA, you only need to do one year of a foreign language)

Something that has been bothering me is the fact that my ADHD meds are not working. The doctors said this med might not work for me and I guess they were right. I called my caseworker to get a meeting with a doctor early, but no response yet.

Didn't get to go skating yet, but the best things in life are worth waiting for, like my first electro treatment next week! Until next time...

-Hannah

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Roller Skates

Hey everyone,

On tuesday after I posted, I went to the year's first Pride Alliance LGBT support group. It was awesome! We had a huge group! I got some really good support and help, especially with the coming out to my friends. Many of my new friends offered to be there with me when I come out to my friends, and that was a huge relief. I love all of my new friends!

Me and a couple of them are going to shop for roller skates on Monday because we have the day off. That's going to be fun. Then we will start training for the AIDS walk (skate) probably on the mall at the U of A. I'm really excited considering that my skates have been collecting dust for a very long time.

After that, I have the SAGA General Meeting, so it is going to be a good Monday off! I'll let yall know how it goes!

-Hannah

Second Chances...Take 2

Ok, so heres the deal...

I spoke with Jan yesterday. Things went very well. However, my plan is slightly altered. I am planning to tell my friends much sooner than expected. Sometime within the next few weeks. However, I will have to swear them to confidentiality until December. Which brings up the case of december...

December is when I plan on starting to live as Hannah FULL TIME! Its exciting and scary at the same time. However, with my friends behind me, I think things will go well, and I will likely carry pepper spray and a tazer at night, just to be safe.

As you read before, I wanted to start hormones in Dec. in time to have something of a chest by May for the second chance prom. I spoke with Jan about this and technically, the guidelines state that I have to live full time, before I can start hormones, so we agreed that March would be a good time, with the stipulation that I start living as of Jan. 1.

As for my facial hair problem, I found out that electrolosis has several advantages. First, you dont have to pay $1000 up front for all the treatments. You can pay $45 per hour on the day you have the treatment. Second, the laser is only hair reduction, not hair removal, as does electrolosis. Third, in the end it should end up costing less than the laser. Although it may take more time. As I can pay as I go, and with my new job, I will start it as soon as next week. I want to get most, if not all of the hair on my face gone before January 1st. It will significantly help with my passing ability.

Hopefully, due to my family genetics (mainly my mom's and sisters gargantuan boobs) they will grow more or less quickly. But I am sure that I will be able to make myself look perfect in the gown, one way or another.

One last thing... Please feel free to post comments whenever you feel appropriate. I enjoy knowing that people are reading what I write and that it is not just lost in cyberspace.

-Hannah

Second Chances...

Wow, didn't think i would already be tired halfway through monday. Probably cause I didn't have much of a dinner last night. Couldn't get something to eat at work last night because i am down to about 49 cents in my bank acct until friday, but I should have plenty of food and gas to last me till then.

Meeting with Jan today in about 2 hours. Always somthing to look forward to. Lots to talk about too.

Last year I heard about something that i considered but ended up not going to...

The Second Chance Prom

The concept behind it is that if you didn't get to bring who you wanted, wear what you wanted, or didn't even go to your high school prom, this is the opportunity to make up for that. The reason that I chose not to go last year is that my face is still furry and I was still just starting with my transition. Although my face is still furry, I am going to try and take care of that by May. I would also like to start hormones by December so that I can grow something in the way of breasts by then as the gown I want to wear is strapless. Below is the link to the site that sells said gown, although I haven't looked for lower prices yet.

http://www.promdressshop.com/Prom-Dress-Precious-Formals-P44132.aspx

It's purple and beautiful and I love it. It's exactly like what I would have worn to my prom, had I known what was going on back then.

Of course, the hormones are contingent on telling my friends what is going on. After all, it would probably confuse them if they saw my chest getting bigger, while my tummy is getting smaller, not to mention the redistribution of my waist and hip lines.

The one thing that I have going for me is that they are members of my generation. And in this generation, people are far more accepting of the LGBT community, thats for damn sure. Plus, theres the added bonus that the crowd I hang with is all democrats with one exception, but he is a good guy and I think that things will be good. So i guess we will have to see how things go. One thing's for sure, I will be very happy to start wearing skirts this next summer...all the time. Until next time...

-Hannah

4 days now...

The primary purpose of this post is to test the email notifications i set up so that all of you will know when i post to my blog. Please put a comment just Letting me know that it worked.

There was supposed to be a desert girls coffee which is a more casual SAGA meeting tonight but i guess they are trying to change the location oe something like that. Probably ok though since i have to work that morning shift at news 4 again tomorrow morning. I think i will then go to my oscr job. And then just skip English. Nothing i cant make up.

This week has been passing remarkably slower than the last weeks of last year. Seems strange. Not sure why. Could be the stupid morning shifts.

I wish that SC2 had fewer missions in campaign mode. I know that sounds strange, but i really like playing it and i want them to be over so i wont want to continue to play it each night.

Until next time...

-Hannah

We're 3 days in...

Classes have begun. Things are ok. As it happens, the class I like the least is the cross listed media arts course. Guess thats why it is cross listed. Italian has certainly been an interesting experience to say the least. I found out on the first day of class that the majority of the class is taught in Italian. Figures. But i am learning it at an ok rate. It isn't really that hard. What I need to do is to look at the book and confirm what i have learned. But it seems easier than being taught the language in English.

Working for oscr is good, don't do much but sit and make sure no one steals stuff. Pretty nice time to post on my blog or study. And it keeps me away from star craft 2 so that's good.

This week kinda sucks because of my shifts at news 4. Oh well, what can i do. Just gotta get through Friday.

My gp from ny sent the check to help me with my finances, he wasn't kidding, it was a very little 30 bucks. So much for my new hannah montana bedding.

Gonna try and figure out how my friends feel about trans folk. And then, one by one, talk to them. So we will see. One thing is for damn sure. This year, I am going to buy a beautiful gown and go to the second chance prom!

Until next time-

-Hannah


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:University of Arizona

5 Days and Counting...

School is nearly upon me, and I can say that I am less that excited about it. First I am not enrolled in any Media Arts classes this semester. I was hoping to avoid this with Advanced Standing, but I didn't study hard enough and got a bad grade in film history. So I suppose it is my own fault. Second, the School of Media Arts has now joined with...

...I'll give you one guess...

The theater department. We are now called..

The School of Theatre, Film, and Television.

I suppose I wouldn't be so upset if our name was first but oh well.

I am retaking that lighting class that i got a D in last fall to improve my GPA. Although I will have to put up with that bastard who was the TA last year as the cage manager, the TA will be different. Which is good.

I got a job with the computer department at the UA which is good. I think I will like it. Hopefully that job, coupled with MARPL and News 4 will allow me to get that Hannah Montana comforter I long to have.

The new film club is making progress. Although we have been discovered by the UFO, we continue to work on promos and other projects, which is more than what they are doing this summer. On Monday, we shot at my condo. After most everyone left, we decided to shoot an additional improvised scene in which Heather was tied up in the closet. Everything was going well, until one of the crew thought it was a good idea to cut the duct tape off with a knife. Needless to say there was blood and stitches. Just his, not Heather's. And for anyone who ever needs to get blood out of tile grout...Hydrogen Peroxide - worked like a charm. The next day we shot in Vail at my mom's place. We had fun and got some really great stuff all things considered. Looking forward to getting approved by ASUA.

And speaking of Heather...

She and another member of our new film club have become my best friends. We called upon a reference from "the girl next door" Were a Fucking Tripod. We sat and talked for a long time. Truth be told, I have never had that experience with friends like that before. It was amazing. I want to tell them about the real me but at the same time, I don't want to lose them. Something to talk about with my therapist tomorrow.

I have to get up a little early tomorrow. Gotta go to the condo and get my outfit for my meeting with my therapist. So I am gonna head to bed. Until Next Time...

-Hannah

A large update

So I will be returning to the U of A this fall. However, I will be living in the condo again this year which means the gas, the early wake-up, etc. But I did get a new job that will allow me to make the extra money that I need to keep myself afloat.

Mom is going to help me cover some of my costs due to that stupid iPad mistake which is good. The down side is that I have to pay extra rent on the condo to stay there.

Things have been going well with my therapist, she recommended a book for mom to read, so I went ahead and ordered it for her. I am also keeping a journal about how I feel.

I missed the dezert girls meeting on Monday, but only because I was hanging out with friends.

I was put on ADHD meds, but they don't seem to be having any effect on me. I wish they would.

I will try to be better at updating this thing, it just seems to be low on my priority list.

Until Next Time,

-Hannah

A few updates...

Wow,

I guess I stink at keeping this updated. Here are a few updates...

I forgot about the dezert girlz coffee last week which sucks cause its a great place for support.

I can only see my therapist 2 times a month, but i guess I should be happy that my mom is paying for it at all.

The fuckers at US Bank declined my private loan, which means that I will not be able to attend the UA this fall without additional support. I submitted an appeal to the office of student financial aid, so we will see if that goes through. If not, I am not sure what will happen (most likely i will continue working at KVOA and look for full time work while I write the script for the film)

Although mom has denied supporting me when it comes to the financial part of the transition, she seems to at least kinda be making peace with the rest of it. But it will be a long road for her.

-Hannah

Living in Vail and Return to the NW

Hello All,

So as it turns out, I will be returning to the NW to drive mom back down, and sooner than expected. Don't think I will bother gambling this time around. Some good news, My res life situation has resolved itself. I will be living in a coed wing of the hall I wanted to live in. Unfortunately I will still be living in my current form. BLEH i know, but whatever. It looks like it will be a year and a month, instead of just a month before Hannah will become a reality. I just wish this would resolve itself. I wish my mom had helped me financially. But she's still trying to convince me not to transition because of a few hardships. Anyway, I guess thats what moms do. Until next time.

-Hannah

Reno...Seven Feathers...Tacoma...and ID-Less at the Airport...

OK, so Reno wasn't much more fun that Vegas. At least this time I had the brains to instead of asking for Orange Juice, to just say, "No thanks, I'm Driving." Still lost money in Reno, but it was fun in that the guy next to me was losing too and he kept on making bad jokes about Reno. For example at the craps table, he would say to the dealers, "Is it always this cold in Reno?" Oh well, Reno came and went...

Then we stopped at the Seven Feathers casino in Oregon. Lost there too, but it was like my mom couldn't lose. I finally had to cut her off so that her winning streak didn't turn into a losing streak. Then, the next morning before we left, she went down to the casino and won again!?!?!?!

Anyway, after that we were off to Tacoma. I got to spend some time with my friends and ate the best Indian food in the world.

I am currently posting before I get on the plane back to good old Tucson. As you are aware, I left my ID in Tucson, and I figured there would be a nice long wait at the Security Checkpoint. Instead the guy asked me what my medication dose was, and what the name of the big swap meet is (Tanque Verde). Then he let me through. I will never make fun of those commercials ever again. Anyway, better get ready to get on the plane. Until next time.

-Hannah

Less Vegas...AGAIN

Wow, its been a while since I have posted. My bad. I have been busy. I have seen my new therapist 3 times and things are going well. Still no change from mom on the loan part, nor the convinced that I am Hannah part. But hopefully she will come around.

Anyway, yesterday we started our road trip up to Seattle. We arrived it Vegas. It was then, that I realized that I had left my wallet in my car in Tucson. Real Smooth right? I had not planned on gambling that much this trip due to the fact that I'm kinda broke, but here was the kicker. I was sitting next to my mom, watching her play the slots and the cocktail waitress came by and asked if we wanted drinks. She ordered a margarita, and I, my usual Orange Juice. As I had ordered something non-alcoholic, I was CARDED!?!?!?! As a result, I had to leave the casino. Seems kinda odd to card someone who looks MUCH Older than 24 just because She orders something non-alcoholic. Last time I lose money in this casino, that's for Damn Sure.

Anyway, the next day (today) my mom goes to the ARIA to check things out and low and behold...She wins a $1500 Progressive penny slot! Seems interesting that within 30 Seconds of winning, she said a Jackpot attendant was there to take her info for Taxes.

Anyway, after the crap that was last night we had planned to continue our journey north today, but after recent events, that may change. Not sure what's going on.

Seems like this city is doing everything in it's power to make me fall out of love with it. First the trip to NAB and now this drink thing. I guess from now on I will have to start drinking in Vegas.

If I tough it out another night here, at least I will be able to raid with my WoW guild tonight.

Until Next Time (I will try to post tomorrow)

-Hannah

The Therapist, and The Plan

Ok, so I have some good news. Me and my mom met up with a new therapist. She doesn't take insurance, but my mom has agreed to keep paying for me to see her. This is very exciting. I also plan on moving my transition start (living as Hannah) to december. Anyway, just thought i would provide this update.

Instant Gratification...

Well, things are not going quite as expected. My mom does not understand that this is not an "instant gratification" think but a medical condition known as GID. Maybe she will help if and when this new therapist actually diagnoses me with it. At least they are still letting me live in the res halls next year. Thats a very good thing. Until next time...

-Hannah

Mom

Hey all,

I am worried about my mom. She came over to my place today to fill out an ADD test and when she was done, she said, "You really need to get a haircut." I responded by asking her why i would get a haircut. Then she left. I worry that she is not in discovery mode but in denial mode. I hope she is not and I am sorry. I hope she knows that I will help her with anything she needs as long as she calls and I apologize for springing this on her when I did. I don't understand, but then I don't think that I can. I appreciate all the support from those who already know about me and I look forward to my mom's acceptance of me.

-Hannah

PhD appt.

Greetings all,

It's been a while since I last posted, but thats just because there isn't much to report. I had my initial appointment with a PhD to get tested for ADD, hopefully I will know something soon. I'm meeting with Jan Brundage, a trans therapist in Tucson that my mom wants me to see. Hopefully it will get her out of "discovery mode" but that's anybody's guess. The U of A LGBT organization created a facebook group for people who are members of the community looking for roommates. Anyway, its time to raid on WoW, or to go War-ing as my mom puts it.

Until Next Time,

-Hannah


-Post From My iPad

Location:Home

An Update

So things are going ok. I agreed to meet with a different therapist at my mom's request. I just hope that things can finally be resolved by then. I am also meeting with a doctor to potentially be diagnosed with ADD. Who knows, perhaps I have it and if I do, meds might help me concentrate better. Until Next Time

-Hannah

-Post From My iPad

What Kind Of Day Has It Been

It's been a busy week. Between finals, health care, and mom, things have been busy...AND ITS ONLY TUESDAY! But finals are done. So the week pretty much is too. I got approved for the AZ Health Insurance. Yay, but I still cannot use the therapist I want. I met with my therapist for the last time today and told my mom for the first time about me. Thinks went really well. I thought they would, but you never know with these things. I look forward to moving forward with this new part of my life. More details to come.

So it begins

First,

No I'm not living as Hannah yet. But the time of no health insurance has come. I have about 30 days of meds left before i have seizures and die. Seems odd that the day my medication runs out is the same day i want to begin living as Hannah. Very curious. Anyway, just about finished with school. Not too much else to report at this very moment, but I am bored at work and thought i would post. I'm also working on starting a new registered student organization at the UA so we will see how that goes. Oh and Ted, you have no one to blame but your big-headed cheating ugly fat fucking ass self! Anyway, gonna go look up prices at affordable laser.

-Hannah


-- Post From My iPad

The time will soon come

Ok, so here's the deal. I want to start living as Hannah by August and hormones by December. The problem is my mom. I'm sure she will be supportive of me, but the problem is that I don't want to add more stress to her already stressful life. The last thing she needs in her life right now is to hear that her son wants to be her daughter. I have been told by my therapist and friends time and time again that this can't be about anyone else but me. What will make me happy. It sounds selfish to me. Any comments?

-Hannah

-- Post From My iPad

The Final Weeks Begin

Ah, the last couple of weeks of school, isn't it great...NOT!!! I probably wont have advanced standing and I am gonna need to work my ass off to get off academic probation. FUCK YOU SCHOOL OF THEATRE ARTS! (for those of you who didn't understand that little outburst, i got a D in a class that i should have gotten an A in because i was sick and missed the class too many times) Well, i guess at least ill be able to get one of my tests behind me tomorrow. Seems like the Selz always schedules her finals early. Finished with work now. Gonna go to a friend's place and study with him. Cross your fingers for me, ok.

-- Post From My iPad

Roommate

So I got placed in the residence hall i wanted, but I need a roommate. If anyone knows someone who wouldn't mind rooming with a tranny, let me know.


-- Post From My iPad

Almost done!

As the end of the semester grows near, i grow more and more tired. With finals coming up not to mention work and everything else going on in my life, things are just stressful. But i just gotta keep counting down the days. Soon i will only have to work on sat and sun. When i finish with classes, im thinking about taking a page from the Iditarod dog sled race and taking a 24 hour nap (they get one in the course of the race) and just getting back up to full strength.

On a higher note, i talked to an old friend who is also going through what I am. Except she's a little farther along than me. I am jealous of her. I hope we speak more in the future.

-- Post From My iPad

Back to work

I suppose i could be posting this from my normal computer, but i love the iPad. I returned to my part time weekend job this weekend.

Classes are almost over. I can't say I will be upset to see this school year come to an end. I guess I forgot just how much energy college can take out of you... Especially when you don't have your weekends to relax. Anyway, this summer will be for just that, as next year comes the BFA and I will need to work extra hard.

I am meeting with my therapist tomorrow and we will have a lot to talk about. Especially since I may not be able to see her after the end of the month.

-- Post From My iPad

Fabulous "Less" Vegas

So I totally forgot to blog while I was in Vegas at the NAB convention. I guess could just do a quick recap. The NAB Show was really cool. Saw a lot of cool new 3D technologies that will be available to the public soon if not already. But the trip ended up sucking. I was shooting craps, and this guy comes up to this table and starts to tell me how to bet. (Note: I have never lost the way I normally bet, NEVER). So he started telling me to do these unconventional bets and I lost all my winnings from earlier in the night as well as the money I started with for gambling. I swear to god that guy must have been working for the casino, and if I ever see him again, I'll stab him with my stiletto heels. Lol, j/k but I learned a valuable lesson - never let anyone tell you how to bet if you do well as you are.

Health Insurance

As you can probably tell from the title, this will likely be an interesting post. This will get everyone caught up on the past few weeks.

-- Health Insurance --

Gotta love those fucks at the place my mom works. They set her up and subsequently fired her. I am on her health insurance, or whats left of it. I have about a month to figure something out or I don't know what I will do about getting my epilepsy medication. I have been made aware of something called Arizona AHCCCS. What it is is a program that gives health insurance to everyone in the state who needs it but cant afford it. But from what I have heard, i may not have enough time to jump through their hoops. So I'll fill out their application online tonight and go from there.


-Hannah

-- Post From My iPad (I found this cool app for it and considering the site doesn't work with iPad, I'm lucky it was there!)

I know, it's been a while. What can I say. College is busy.

Ok, so where was I? Oh, right. The University of Arizona. Ok, so after I worked in news for a year and realized it wasn't what I wanted do with the rest of my life, I went back to school to study what i allays wanted to do -- film. So I began my journey in Media Arts. As the want to become Hannah started to become stronger, I started looking for support around the university and in Tucson as well. I met with a person who helped me find some support groups around Tucson and at school which of course shall remain nameless. It has helped me a great deal. It also helped that i was finally able to move out of my parents' house so i could at least wear that cute jean skirt at home. I started seeing a therapist that shall be known as T and i started going to meetings at the various support groups and i continue to do so today. That's how i got to where i am today, which, in the pas few weeks has been far from easy. Enjoy the forthcoming post about that action.

In the Beginning... (Continued, Yeah I know, a couple of days late)

-- High School --

I was really excited to start high school, probably for a number of reasons. One of which was that I was no longer around the hell that was my old school. Another was that I already knew a couple of people that were at CHS, including my Kindergarten sweetheart. Yeah, I know, cute right. But I hadn't seen her in years. Anyway, High school was a great experience. I ended up becoming friends with some of the ass holes that were with me in elementary school, and made new friends quickly. Of course none of that really mattered all that much as it relates to my "becoming Hannah." At age 16, I got my first job. It was good at first, bet eventually got boring. The advantage was that I could buy things. Girly things. Things I knew wouldn't rip or tear or that I would grow out of as I had more or less stop growing. Then I discovered the useful online Internet shopping site, known as eBay. It allowed me to get whatever I wanted, without needing to go out and shop. And so I continued to live my life in the closet, buying clothes on eBay and hiding myself from the rest of the world, with the exception of a few close friends, who, for some reason, I knew would be accepting of me. I wasn't ready to commit social suicide in High School as it was going very well for me. Then a disaster...

-- Mom's Discovery --

As I was packing to go away to be a councillor for a summer camp I had attended in HS, my mom had peered into what I had packed AND FOUND EVERYTHING GIRLY I HAD PACKED!
I went away to camp, without the knowledge that she had found my stash, until my sister called me to give me the heads up, so I knew what to expect. I talked things over with my mom and I gave her the impression that all I was was a cross-dresser. When that discussion was over, we continued on with life. After all college was only weeks away and I couldn't wait to be on my own.

-- College --

I was very excited to go away to school. It would allow me to have all of my girly things out and around my living area whenever I wanted. Remember, my parents don't know I am trans yet, and frankly, I wasn't 100% sure yet either. There weren't many developments during my first college stint. Although the college was relatively liberal, the area certainly wasn't. And so I finished college, and I was offered a job in none other than...

-- Fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada --

That's right, my favorite city in the world, Las Vegas. Not a bad place to find support and discussion groups either. As I settled into my Long-Term Hotel Living environment while I looked for a condo, I though it was a dream come true. My first job out of broadcasting school in the city I love most. I ended up going to my first "adult store" in order to find some clothes such as corsets to wear. I figured the best way to find the right fit was to do it in person, and after all, it was an adult store, so I figured it would be safe. And it was. Although I got bored with the job (recording weddings) after about a week, it still was a good life and a good living. I worked 5 days a week from 9-5 and had Monday and Tuesday off (which in Vegas is great because nobody is there and the banks are open). About 3 weeks into the job, I got laid off. It was terrible. Apparently they thought that I wasn't learning the system fast enough. I am sorry if it takes me a little time to learn how to control 3 cameras, run audio, and several recoding devices in perfect sync, especially with a shitty setup. Anyway, I was bored with the job as it was and things worked out in the end. I had already paid for another week in the hotel, so I figured that I could search for another job, but also enjoy a week in Vegas. So I looked, and I sent out resumes, and had fun. I even won $700 at the craps tables at the Oreleans, which is good because it paid for the repairs to my car so I could make it to...

-- Tucson --

My step dad was driving down with one of his friends and a lot of stuff that he moved out of his old house, I think. Anyway, their trip took them right through the city so they helped me pack up my things and head down to Tucson. As I didn't have a job or money, I had to move in with mom. It was ok, but over time, especially with a big tv, things tend to get old, fast. I shopped around for jobs and eventually found one that was part time. Not enough to pay the bills for an apartment, but at least enough to cover some cost of living, along with car insurance.

-- The University of Arizona --

(Coming soon to a blog near you, as I gotta go to class)

In the Beginning...

I suppose I should start from the beginning to explain who I am and how I came to begin becoming Hannah. I will not reveal what my given name was as here I am Hannah and ONLY Hannah.

When I was young, I always felt that something was wrong, that I was wrong. However, I wasn't sure exactly what was wrong, as I'm sure this story begins with many T-Girls, especially young ones.

-- The Evil Catholic School --

Regardless of the fact that I hated where I went to elementary and middle school, I was always jealous of the cute blue/green plaid jumpers and subsequently, skirts, that the girls got to wear. In addition to that, I would eat lunch at the girls' table, which was technically against the rules, but I was never stopped, probably because the boys tormented me to the point that I'm surprised that I made it out of there with my sanity in tact.

-- At Home --

As I grew to the age of 12, I started experimenting with my sister's dress-up trunk full of clothes. my favorite was a bright ruby red dress, which may have been appropriate for someone heading to prom in the 80s, but certainly not today. Unfortunately, as I continued to grow, the dress grew tighter and tighter and eventually, it became a casualty of my growth spurt. Damn these male genes of mine. This was right around the time when my parents began their divorce, which lasted much longer than it should have, but in the end, everything turned out OK. When my parents' divorce was final, we moved to a new house, that was closer to the hell that was my catholic school (interesting contradiction, don't you think?)

-- The New House --

We moved to a larger house in the West End of T (How I will refer to my hometown for the sake of security). It was a good place to grow up as there were other kids that went to the same hell hole of a school as me, but a few years younger, so no conflicts there. As I grew older, I had to decide where to go to high school, as there is not always a direct path from private school to private school. I had a number of options...

1. I could reapply to a private catholic high school that had already declined my application and go through all over again what I had already experienced, only on a much higher level.

2. I could just go with the TPS option, which was OK, but I didn't really like what I saw.

3. I could attempt to get into a school district known as UPSD (Again, Abbreviated for security). At the time, their high school, G.R.C. Senior High, was in the top 10 in the nation, (not so much now, thanks a lot P.B.) and so I thought it would be a great opportunity.

As it turns out, I was accepted into CHS and it was the best thing that could have possibly happened to me.

The Story Continues Tomorrow with...

-- High School --